How often do you go down on your partner before intercourse? And intercourse aside, how often do you engage in oral sex just for the sake of... oral sex? If the numbers are low, I have to say: you and are your partner are missing out. I mean, I know. It can be near-impossible to resist diving in to sexy-time penis first. But an intense session of cunnilingus can definitely add something to your intimate life that neither of you are getting from the same old in-and-out.
So what's the big deal? For one thing, giving her oral sex can be a great form of foreplay. Your partner may not have mentioned this to you, but women typically not ready for intercourse after just one arm caress and a boob grope. They often would prefer a warming-up period in order to become physically and psychologically aroused, which in turn makes it easier for them to experience pain-free sex, and perhaps even reach orgasm(s).
But oral sex doesn't even have to be used as foreplay. For a really intense sexual experience, try making cunnilingus the main event. In many cases, women orgasm more reliably from cunnilingus than they do from intercourse. But you have do it right. Giving her oral sex is not as simple as merely thrusting your tongue into her vagina and making it do the wiggle. Nay. Mind-blowing oral sex requires some actual... technique. Mark Coriddi, author of The Mount Method: a Guide to Pleasuring Women, suggests first establishing a "mount." Nope. Not a "dismount" (though cunnilingus does require a bit of oral gymnastics).
Achieving a mount means that your mouth and her pubic area come together in such a way as to maximize the pleasure she experiences during your mouthy ministrations. Both men and women have a mount. According to Coriddi, a man's mount is the area of his upper lip just above his teeth. A woman's mount, meanwhile, is the center of the pubic bone, where there is a slight cradle into which your mount naturally fits. "Connecting your respective mounts and maintaining that persistent connection throughout the process of arousal is essential to mind-blowing oral sex," says Coriddi. "Specifically, it allows you to firmly place your mouth just where it needs to be for maximum stimulation of your partner’s clitoris." To make all of this easier, consider placing a pillow or two beneath her pelvis. It will make her hot spots easier to access. Once you're properly positioned, there are a number of things you can do in order to rock her world.
First, warm her up by caressing her inner thighs, breathing naturally so she can feel your breath on her clitoris, and on the other areas of her vulva. This will help build up anticipation, making her squirm for more as you prepare to really impress her. Then, once you’re ready, begin licking her like an ice cream cone, in long, thick strokes that cover the entire area down there. Let your licks gradually build up in intensity before plunging in fully. Once you’ve reached a certain rhythm, try mixing things up (though you should remain mindful of how she's responding to your touch; if she's finding a specific rhythm or touch particularly pleasurable, she may never forgive you if you suddenly change course).
Friday, December 14, 2012
10 Reasons To Love Small Boobs
I like boobs. Who does not appreciate them? Robots. Reptiles. That’s about it. Breasts are awesome. As feminist writer Gail Collins said in her New York Times piece, “Everybody likes breasts — infants, adults, women, men. Really, it’s America’s most popular body part.” But sometimes it seems like we only get to talk about how awesome certain kinds of boobs are. The ones that are bold, perfectly round, Sports Illustrated-style, belonging to Christina Hendricks, full, plush, generous, prominent, and just generally big.
1. They are cute. They just are. They look friendly and happy and sweet.
2. You can wear something really low-cut. I don’t dare, because I am scared of things no one should be scared of and also freakishly modest. But in theory, you can. And you probably should, if you have small boobs. Just to do it.
3. You don’t look “slutty,” necessarily. Sluttiness is a dumb concept. No one should be thought slutty at all, because it’s just dumb. And certainly no one should be thought slutty based on the basic shape of her body. But it happens. When my large-breasted friends walk down the street in a parka and plaid overalls and clumpy work boots, they get uninvited attention of a sexual nature, because of their breasts. I know, because all of my large-breasted friends wear that outfit, all the time. But to my point: I wear that same thing, and I get no attention at all. Which is nice. And then I wear a scandalously sexy, skin-tight outfit, and I also get no attention! I’m kidding. What I mean to say is, people say, “Oh, that looks nice! You’re so elegant.”
4. You can look elegant pretty easily. See above.
5. The nipples are showcased. And nipples are interesting. I don’t want to say much more about nipples, because it makes me feel awkward and inappropriate. But I think they’re pretty. OK, that’s it.
6. You can sometimes go braless. I went through a phase, last summer, where I did this, and it was incredibly fun and exhilarating. I felt free. I felt daring. I felt like yelling, “Hello, New York City! I’m not wearing a bra!!” But I didn’t, and then I felt like it was this sexy secret that everyone was probably whispering about. They definitely weren’t, but I talked about how empowered I was with my friends, a lot, and that was nice. After wearing a bra for approximately half my life, it was shocking to realize that actually, it was sort of optional. And then I got stuck in this freezing cold restaurant at a party for like four hours, and carried on a lot of charming little conversations with my arms crossed over my chest. So I’m not ready to give up on bras completely. But I still stand by my right to occasionally go boldly without.
7. You can wear a strapless dress without it being a big deal. I will do this, after I stop being really scared of what will happen if I lift my arms up. Which I need to do all the time– as we all do. My wedding gown was strapless. But that was more because all wedding gowns are strapless, and I had no choice. Still, it was empowering. I know I can do it again, some day, if I keep my arms down.
8. You can do yoga without even noticing them. I like not having to think about my breasts when they’re not playing an important role in whatever’s going on. Like if I’m jogging (which I almost never am, but it’s happened once or twice). Or if I’m playing a sport (ping pong), or if I need to be upside down at any point.
9. They don’t sag. I kinda don’t want to brag about the whole “they don’t sag!” thing, because it sounds more like an insult to big breasts and older women than a compliment to smaller ones and younger women. I’m also not sure I want to unquestioningly support firm perkiness. Last time I checked, breasts were made out of fat, and fat is squishy. And while I do have one friend with mysteriously perky natural boobs, and they are indeed spectacular, they are also the exception. And softness is really nice. Sagginess probably just means you’re older than 35, and some day I too hope to be older than 35. So instead of all that– how about #9 is “They feel good.” People don’t spend enough time talking about how nice small breasts feel. Sometimes I catch myself just feelin’ mine up. It’s sort of comforting. That is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve admitted to on the internet. They fit nicely in the hands. They are like little pillows of happiness.
10. Not to be sappy, but they do the really important stuff. They feel good when they’re played with. They have the ability to provide milk for a baby, which is bad ass. They’re womanly and pretty. They’re often charming in profile. And even though all of those things are true for big boobs, too, small boobs do it with their own special style. They do it while being awesome for all of the other nine reasons. They might be in a strapless dress while doing it. You never know. Small boobs are full of surprises.
1. They are cute. They just are. They look friendly and happy and sweet.
2. You can wear something really low-cut. I don’t dare, because I am scared of things no one should be scared of and also freakishly modest. But in theory, you can. And you probably should, if you have small boobs. Just to do it.
3. You don’t look “slutty,” necessarily. Sluttiness is a dumb concept. No one should be thought slutty at all, because it’s just dumb. And certainly no one should be thought slutty based on the basic shape of her body. But it happens. When my large-breasted friends walk down the street in a parka and plaid overalls and clumpy work boots, they get uninvited attention of a sexual nature, because of their breasts. I know, because all of my large-breasted friends wear that outfit, all the time. But to my point: I wear that same thing, and I get no attention at all. Which is nice. And then I wear a scandalously sexy, skin-tight outfit, and I also get no attention! I’m kidding. What I mean to say is, people say, “Oh, that looks nice! You’re so elegant.”
4. You can look elegant pretty easily. See above.
5. The nipples are showcased. And nipples are interesting. I don’t want to say much more about nipples, because it makes me feel awkward and inappropriate. But I think they’re pretty. OK, that’s it.
6. You can sometimes go braless. I went through a phase, last summer, where I did this, and it was incredibly fun and exhilarating. I felt free. I felt daring. I felt like yelling, “Hello, New York City! I’m not wearing a bra!!” But I didn’t, and then I felt like it was this sexy secret that everyone was probably whispering about. They definitely weren’t, but I talked about how empowered I was with my friends, a lot, and that was nice. After wearing a bra for approximately half my life, it was shocking to realize that actually, it was sort of optional. And then I got stuck in this freezing cold restaurant at a party for like four hours, and carried on a lot of charming little conversations with my arms crossed over my chest. So I’m not ready to give up on bras completely. But I still stand by my right to occasionally go boldly without.
7. You can wear a strapless dress without it being a big deal. I will do this, after I stop being really scared of what will happen if I lift my arms up. Which I need to do all the time– as we all do. My wedding gown was strapless. But that was more because all wedding gowns are strapless, and I had no choice. Still, it was empowering. I know I can do it again, some day, if I keep my arms down.
8. You can do yoga without even noticing them. I like not having to think about my breasts when they’re not playing an important role in whatever’s going on. Like if I’m jogging (which I almost never am, but it’s happened once or twice). Or if I’m playing a sport (ping pong), or if I need to be upside down at any point.
9. They don’t sag. I kinda don’t want to brag about the whole “they don’t sag!” thing, because it sounds more like an insult to big breasts and older women than a compliment to smaller ones and younger women. I’m also not sure I want to unquestioningly support firm perkiness. Last time I checked, breasts were made out of fat, and fat is squishy. And while I do have one friend with mysteriously perky natural boobs, and they are indeed spectacular, they are also the exception. And softness is really nice. Sagginess probably just means you’re older than 35, and some day I too hope to be older than 35. So instead of all that– how about #9 is “They feel good.” People don’t spend enough time talking about how nice small breasts feel. Sometimes I catch myself just feelin’ mine up. It’s sort of comforting. That is maybe the weirdest thing I’ve admitted to on the internet. They fit nicely in the hands. They are like little pillows of happiness.
10. Not to be sappy, but they do the really important stuff. They feel good when they’re played with. They have the ability to provide milk for a baby, which is bad ass. They’re womanly and pretty. They’re often charming in profile. And even though all of those things are true for big boobs, too, small boobs do it with their own special style. They do it while being awesome for all of the other nine reasons. They might be in a strapless dress while doing it. You never know. Small boobs are full of surprises.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
For the Girls: How to have a full body orgasm
Orgasms are great. Obviously. But they can be short and far from the mind-blowing, knee buckling experience described in Fifty Shades of Grey. The elusive full body orgasm is achievable, but it takes practice and tons of pelvic floor muscle control, which can be hard in the heat of the moment. The key is to retain and expand your sexual tension by delaying your orgasm. Regular Kegel exercises using love eggs or Ana Steele's favorite jiggle balls will strengthen your pelvic muscles allowing you to perform stronger contractions - they key to more intense orgasms.
The next stage is to identify your point of no-return in the moment and then stop all stimulation when you reach this point. It's challenging because you probably won't want to stop! Repeat this stop-start method seven times, while focusing on deep breaths in and out. Over-sensitivity can become and issue, so ask your partner to alternate between your g-spot and clitoris or ignore those all together and work on your other erogenous zones during the seven cycles. On the final cycle imagine the sexual tension(or Tantric energy) circulating around your body. Some experts recommend imagining your orgasm as a color which is slowly filling up your body from toes to crown.
Finally, allow the tension to release and let your body orgasm. You may not be a Tantric master after your first time round, but some women have reported 20-30 minute orgasms using this method.
The next stage is to identify your point of no-return in the moment and then stop all stimulation when you reach this point. It's challenging because you probably won't want to stop! Repeat this stop-start method seven times, while focusing on deep breaths in and out. Over-sensitivity can become and issue, so ask your partner to alternate between your g-spot and clitoris or ignore those all together and work on your other erogenous zones during the seven cycles. On the final cycle imagine the sexual tension(or Tantric energy) circulating around your body. Some experts recommend imagining your orgasm as a color which is slowly filling up your body from toes to crown.
Finally, allow the tension to release and let your body orgasm. You may not be a Tantric master after your first time round, but some women have reported 20-30 minute orgasms using this method.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
An Open Letter on Sex
At least in the United States, you have the right to be wanton, sexually provocative, and promiscuous. You have the right to wear as little clothing as legally allowed by the government where you live. Actually, I guess you can wear less clothing than legally allowed as you don’t mind dealing with the hassle of being arrested and having a record. You can have sex with men, women, people who identify as in-between or as neither. You can find consenting and enthusiastic partners for the most depraved erotic acts your brain or someone else’s can imagine. You might not have the legal right to engage in these acts according to the state or county you live in, but if everyone involved is a rational, consenting adult and you keep your metaphorical blinds closed you’ll probably be OK. I am not a lawyer and “you’ll probably be ok” does not in any way mean that I have any idea what I’m talking about when it comes to receiving blow jobs in Virginia. You have the right to communicate your desires in what is ideally a respectful manner and hope that the person(s) you’re attracted to share them.
Conversely, you don’t have to exercise any of those rights.
Neither the sex industry nor recreational promiscuity are for everyone. You can be friends with known pornographers and prostitutes without being one yourself. Being accepting of whatever safe, sane, and consensual acts people want to engage in with their bodies is awesome. You shouldn’t feel like you have to engage in the same acts as your friends or what you see on the internet to prove your solidarity or something.
Asexuality is definitely a thing. I don’t personally understand it, but if it makes you happy go for it. Or don’t go for it. Go for not-it? I’m going to remove my foot from my mouth now.
Liking sex doesn’t mean you have to be up for it 24/7, do it with thirty-five different people in a week, or walk around with the majority of your ass hanging out whenever the weather permits. I’ve had sex with plenty of women who don’t understand or care about my love for fancy lingerie and who find pajamas, jeans, and sneakers hotter than french lace and high heels.
If you only want sex every three months and you love doing it with the lights off missionary style, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There are potential partners who want the same, or who like it once every three months with the lights off doggy style and will be willing to take turns with your favored position and theirs.
If you fantasize about banging raccoons I’d be willing to bet there’s someone out there who wants to dress up like a raccoon and make whatever noises see plausible while getting banged. I recommend not banging actual raccoons because they are animals and can’t consent. Also: claws and potential rabies. (Cue the one person who believes in the rights of raccoons to consent to and enjoy sex with humans.)
If you want it filthy, rough, and hard three times a day for half the month and maybe once or twice a week while gazing into each others’ eyes for the other half, you can find one or more people willing to accommodate. I may be talking about myself here.
You’re highly unlikely to find any of these things until you figure out what you want and get comfortable with asking for it.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you aren’t that into sex. Communication is super important. For every “weird” thing you’re into, there’s someone else out there that’s into it too.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Office Sex
Many relationships begin in the workplace and sometimes it can be hard to keep your hands off each other but it’s important not to get caught so here are some tips to keep you from getting caught red handed.
Privacy
First and foremost, don’t be having sex in a place that attracts a lot of foot traffic. Go somewhere secluded, a storeroom that no one uses or a stairwell that’s mostly out of use. You can also have sex in your private office but make sure that you either have a lock on the door or it’s after office hours.
Avoid Cameras
It sounds stupidly obvious but avoid cameras like the plague. Most storerooms containing stock will usually have cameras in for security purposes so it’s best to check them out before you engage in any romps. It is illegal to place a camera in bathrooms or changing rooms so these are ideal, but they do attract foot traffic so wait until the office is quiet!
Easy Access
Clothing is a massive problem when trying to having a raunchy 15 minutes in work so wear accessible clothing. Nothing with too many buttons and something that will slip off easily, if you’re feeling really brave, going commando will save loads of time. Another great tip is for women to take their lipstick off so your man isn’t smothered in the stuff afterwards.
Clean up
Don’t just walk straight back to your desk after you’ve done the deed, go and check yourself out in the bathroom. Make sure you’ve put your clothes back on the right way round and that your hair is all in place. Top-up your make-up so that you look fresh faced rather than flustered and make sure you look neat and presentable.
Lastly…
If you do get caught, don’t make things worse by trying to explain yourself. Simply say you’re sorry and leave it at that. Trying to explain why you were in the bathroom with a fellow employee with your skirt over your head will only have you tripping over your words and making things worse for yourself, so keep it zipped!
Privacy
First and foremost, don’t be having sex in a place that attracts a lot of foot traffic. Go somewhere secluded, a storeroom that no one uses or a stairwell that’s mostly out of use. You can also have sex in your private office but make sure that you either have a lock on the door or it’s after office hours.
Avoid Cameras
It sounds stupidly obvious but avoid cameras like the plague. Most storerooms containing stock will usually have cameras in for security purposes so it’s best to check them out before you engage in any romps. It is illegal to place a camera in bathrooms or changing rooms so these are ideal, but they do attract foot traffic so wait until the office is quiet!
Easy Access
Clothing is a massive problem when trying to having a raunchy 15 minutes in work so wear accessible clothing. Nothing with too many buttons and something that will slip off easily, if you’re feeling really brave, going commando will save loads of time. Another great tip is for women to take their lipstick off so your man isn’t smothered in the stuff afterwards.
Clean up
Don’t just walk straight back to your desk after you’ve done the deed, go and check yourself out in the bathroom. Make sure you’ve put your clothes back on the right way round and that your hair is all in place. Top-up your make-up so that you look fresh faced rather than flustered and make sure you look neat and presentable.
Lastly…
If you do get caught, don’t make things worse by trying to explain yourself. Simply say you’re sorry and leave it at that. Trying to explain why you were in the bathroom with a fellow employee with your skirt over your head will only have you tripping over your words and making things worse for yourself, so keep it zipped!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
5 Ways To Discover Your Kinky Alter Ego
Kinky sex can be a great way to spice up a boring sex life, but just how do you get there? Check out these five tips to reveal your darker side.
Finding your kinky alter ego doesn’t have to be a difficult task. So many couples go through vanilla sex and don’t address it. If you and your girlfriend have had “the talk” about a bland sex life then you are a step ahead of the game. Sex is an important part of the relationship and it can be a very frustration endeavor to keep things spicy.
If you’re looking for a way to bring out the inner-freak, there are a few things that you can do. You don’t have to head out and get a latex suit or become a certified dom. You can find out what turns you on very quickly with minimal hassle and little effort.
1. Ask Her What Turns Her On
Most of the time a guy will simply get turned on by having a girl turned on. When women find themselves so hot that they can’t contain it anymore, guys are instantly in the mood. Most of the guys that you talk to will tell you the same thing. They are much more concerned with getting their girlfriend or wife off than actually getting off themselves. Take this into consideration when you are trying to spice up your bedroom activities.
2. Do You Get Embarrassed?
There are a lot of guys that are easily embarrassed when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. Maybe you want your girlfriend dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl or maybe you want her to dominate you. These are both fairly common sexual fantasies. However, there are a lot of guys they get so embarrassed when they talk about their fantasies that they can’t actually act upon them. Talk to your partner in an open and honest, nonjudgmental way about what would really turn you on.
Try to come up with a way that you won’t get embarrassed halfway through and have her reassure you that you are not strange or weird because of your sexual fantasies. A girlfriend that is confident in her own sexuality and willing to play a part of your sexual fantasy will help the relationship immensely.
3. Watch Some Pornography
Say what you want about pornography, but it is one of the best tools to get men and women going. One of the easiest ways to use pornography is to help you discover what your sexual fantasies are. Whether you are into straight sex, domination, lesbian porn or all of the above, pornography can help you get there.
Take your girlfriend or wife to an adult store and search through the porno section. Decide on a movie that you will both enjoy and then take it home and watch it. Relationships are about compromise. If you are trying to find common ground in spicing up your sex life, deciding on a porno for the both of you is a great first step. If you can’t decide on one movie, find two or three and take them home for a whole weekend of fun and exploration.
4. Sex Toys
Sex toys can be a great way to find out exactly how kinky you are comfortable being. But if you get the wrong sex toys, you might put yourself and your partner in an awkward position. Have you ever had the fantasy of using a vibrator on a girl? How about a butt plug? Before you do any of this you’re going to need to talk to your partner.
It is her body that you’re going to be experimenting with after all. Sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her about how hot you think it will be and tell her that you believe it could bring the two of your closer in your sex life. You will probably be surprised on how open she will be to your honesty.
5. Be In The Moment
Most women love a guy that can be in the moment. If you have talked about getting more kink in your sex life, go ahead and do it. You girl is going to be much more open to things in the height of her arousal than talking about it afterward or before. If you want to try a new sex position, tell her in the middle of sex. Sometimes putting her in that position without asking can be a huge turn on for women. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with something, she will tell you. Don’t try something crazy on a whim, but you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something new on a whim.
Finding your kinky alter ego doesn’t have to be a difficult task. So many couples go through vanilla sex and don’t address it. If you and your girlfriend have had “the talk” about a bland sex life then you are a step ahead of the game. Sex is an important part of the relationship and it can be a very frustration endeavor to keep things spicy.
If you’re looking for a way to bring out the inner-freak, there are a few things that you can do. You don’t have to head out and get a latex suit or become a certified dom. You can find out what turns you on very quickly with minimal hassle and little effort.
1. Ask Her What Turns Her On
Most of the time a guy will simply get turned on by having a girl turned on. When women find themselves so hot that they can’t contain it anymore, guys are instantly in the mood. Most of the guys that you talk to will tell you the same thing. They are much more concerned with getting their girlfriend or wife off than actually getting off themselves. Take this into consideration when you are trying to spice up your bedroom activities.
2. Do You Get Embarrassed?
There are a lot of guys that are easily embarrassed when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. Maybe you want your girlfriend dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl or maybe you want her to dominate you. These are both fairly common sexual fantasies. However, there are a lot of guys they get so embarrassed when they talk about their fantasies that they can’t actually act upon them. Talk to your partner in an open and honest, nonjudgmental way about what would really turn you on.
Try to come up with a way that you won’t get embarrassed halfway through and have her reassure you that you are not strange or weird because of your sexual fantasies. A girlfriend that is confident in her own sexuality and willing to play a part of your sexual fantasy will help the relationship immensely.
3. Watch Some Pornography
Say what you want about pornography, but it is one of the best tools to get men and women going. One of the easiest ways to use pornography is to help you discover what your sexual fantasies are. Whether you are into straight sex, domination, lesbian porn or all of the above, pornography can help you get there.
Take your girlfriend or wife to an adult store and search through the porno section. Decide on a movie that you will both enjoy and then take it home and watch it. Relationships are about compromise. If you are trying to find common ground in spicing up your sex life, deciding on a porno for the both of you is a great first step. If you can’t decide on one movie, find two or three and take them home for a whole weekend of fun and exploration.
4. Sex Toys
Sex toys can be a great way to find out exactly how kinky you are comfortable being. But if you get the wrong sex toys, you might put yourself and your partner in an awkward position. Have you ever had the fantasy of using a vibrator on a girl? How about a butt plug? Before you do any of this you’re going to need to talk to your partner.
It is her body that you’re going to be experimenting with after all. Sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her about how hot you think it will be and tell her that you believe it could bring the two of your closer in your sex life. You will probably be surprised on how open she will be to your honesty.
5. Be In The Moment
Most women love a guy that can be in the moment. If you have talked about getting more kink in your sex life, go ahead and do it. You girl is going to be much more open to things in the height of her arousal than talking about it afterward or before. If you want to try a new sex position, tell her in the middle of sex. Sometimes putting her in that position without asking can be a huge turn on for women. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with something, she will tell you. Don’t try something crazy on a whim, but you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something new on a whim.
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Oral Sex: How are you at receiving?
Many men and women report oral as being their favourite sexual act, if not at least enjoying it quite a bit. Oral sex is one of the most common ways of being able to make a woman orgasm, as it gives her partner much more control over the type of stimulation and the exact spots to hit to pleasure her.
Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
The 6 affair triggers
Affairs might be ‘sexy’ but they are rarely purely about sex. More often than not, an affair can be an unconscious attempt to solve a problem in the original relationship. It’s clearly a signal that something is wrong, but how do we know what that is? When working as a couples therapist I’ve noticed that most affairs tend to be provoked by one of six triggers. These are the deeper relationship issues that might have led to the affair, and can give some ideas about what steps to take as you solder your relationship back together.
1 Conflict-phobic affair
This is when one or both partners won’t argue, and skirt around their differences rather than work through them. The problem with this is that they’re not sharing all of themselves, and so levels of intimacy drop. The relationship becomes routine, rather than being kept alive by fresh dialogue. Inevitably, each partner begins to feel lonely. But airing their troubles and risking confrontation feels too frightening, so paradoxically, to save their marriage, they seek intimacy elsewhere. The straying partner is often careless, as if unconsciously they want to get found out, because this will force them to look at their relationship. When both sides take responsibility for their conflict avoidance there is a good chance they can learn new and more authentic ways of being together.
Prospects for recovery: Good.
2 Vulnerability-phobic affair
The opposite of the conflict phobes, these couples are often good at arguing – almost too good. For them, conflict is a way to maintain contact with each other. But this isn’t healthy debate – both sides are too frightened of opening up and showing their vulnerabilities. Instead, there is a strong need to be right and to prove the other wrong. This leads to role play rather than more intimate, authentic sharing, which can escalate the belief that their partner does not care about them, thus increasing their fear of being vulnerable, which then leads to loneliness – and then to infidelities. It is likely that the affair gets discovered quite quickly. Even then it can escalate into tit-for-tat affairs on both sides and by the time they get to see a couples therapist, the couple are usually on the brink of splitting up. If both partners can learn to see that their fear of being open and vulnerable is the root cause of their ‘I’m-right-you’re-wrong’ game, they can drop the roles and regain their intimacy.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/good.
3 Incapacity for intimacy affair
This is another version of the vulnerability-phobic affair. The straying partner finds the messiness of a longer-term relationship, after the novelty and idealisation stage, too complicated. A new partner seems so much more straightforward… until they get to know them and the whole cycle starts again. They go through this cycle several times before they can realise that it might be their own incapacity for intimacy that’s leading to their affairs and subsequent break-ups.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.
4 The divided self affair
The wandering partner loves the idea of their perfect family and a perfect spouse. But they also love their lover. They never intended to have an affair, and see it as something that ‘just happened’. Their self-image as a good spouse and parent is important to them, but what they probably didn’t do is accurately assess the depth of their feelings for their ‘perfect’ partner at the start. Their partner is someone they think they ought to love, rather than someone they actually love. After quite a few years of trying to keep this up, they will be knocked off their feet by an infatuation. The trouble is, they are still wedded to the idea of themselves as part of the perfect family. They may never be found out. It is often a mistress who contacts a wife in an attempt to get things moving. They will still be reluctant to move in with the mistress and will probably only do so if they are thrown out by their partner.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.
5 The sex addict affair
If one partner is a sex addict, this stems more from their individual issues than from any problems with their relationship or partner, and consequently the ways of working through it are more limited. The prospect of change is small. Being addicted to sex is not unlike other addictions, such as alcohol or gambling. The addict feels empty and uses the addiction to feel temporarily full, but it never lasts and the addiction can continue indefinitely unless the addict is prepared to work hard in therapy and at changing their behaviour. The partner of a sex addict, as often as not, overlooks the affairs, either consciously or unconsciously. This can be because of co-dependency (‘I’d be nothing without you’) or might be related to how they want themselves and their marriage to look to others.
Prospects for recovery: Dependent on whether the non-straying partner can tolerate the situation. The addict is unlikely to change unless they are highly motivated to.
6 The exit affair
The purpose of an exit affair is to try to force the non-straying partner into ending the relationship. Alternatively, it might have started as a distraction from the pain of separation. The affair says, ‘It’s over’, when honest communication has not been happening for a long time. Such an affair could be seen as the cause of the split, but it’s usually a way out after the straying partner has made a decision to end the relationship. Often such a couple comes to therapy because the exiting partner feels that the therapist can mop up their partner’s hurt, allowing them to exit more easily.
Prospects for recovery: Hopeless.
1 Conflict-phobic affair
This is when one or both partners won’t argue, and skirt around their differences rather than work through them. The problem with this is that they’re not sharing all of themselves, and so levels of intimacy drop. The relationship becomes routine, rather than being kept alive by fresh dialogue. Inevitably, each partner begins to feel lonely. But airing their troubles and risking confrontation feels too frightening, so paradoxically, to save their marriage, they seek intimacy elsewhere. The straying partner is often careless, as if unconsciously they want to get found out, because this will force them to look at their relationship. When both sides take responsibility for their conflict avoidance there is a good chance they can learn new and more authentic ways of being together.
Prospects for recovery: Good.
2 Vulnerability-phobic affair
The opposite of the conflict phobes, these couples are often good at arguing – almost too good. For them, conflict is a way to maintain contact with each other. But this isn’t healthy debate – both sides are too frightened of opening up and showing their vulnerabilities. Instead, there is a strong need to be right and to prove the other wrong. This leads to role play rather than more intimate, authentic sharing, which can escalate the belief that their partner does not care about them, thus increasing their fear of being vulnerable, which then leads to loneliness – and then to infidelities. It is likely that the affair gets discovered quite quickly. Even then it can escalate into tit-for-tat affairs on both sides and by the time they get to see a couples therapist, the couple are usually on the brink of splitting up. If both partners can learn to see that their fear of being open and vulnerable is the root cause of their ‘I’m-right-you’re-wrong’ game, they can drop the roles and regain their intimacy.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/good.
3 Incapacity for intimacy affair
This is another version of the vulnerability-phobic affair. The straying partner finds the messiness of a longer-term relationship, after the novelty and idealisation stage, too complicated. A new partner seems so much more straightforward… until they get to know them and the whole cycle starts again. They go through this cycle several times before they can realise that it might be their own incapacity for intimacy that’s leading to their affairs and subsequent break-ups.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.
4 The divided self affair
The wandering partner loves the idea of their perfect family and a perfect spouse. But they also love their lover. They never intended to have an affair, and see it as something that ‘just happened’. Their self-image as a good spouse and parent is important to them, but what they probably didn’t do is accurately assess the depth of their feelings for their ‘perfect’ partner at the start. Their partner is someone they think they ought to love, rather than someone they actually love. After quite a few years of trying to keep this up, they will be knocked off their feet by an infatuation. The trouble is, they are still wedded to the idea of themselves as part of the perfect family. They may never be found out. It is often a mistress who contacts a wife in an attempt to get things moving. They will still be reluctant to move in with the mistress and will probably only do so if they are thrown out by their partner.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.
5 The sex addict affair
If one partner is a sex addict, this stems more from their individual issues than from any problems with their relationship or partner, and consequently the ways of working through it are more limited. The prospect of change is small. Being addicted to sex is not unlike other addictions, such as alcohol or gambling. The addict feels empty and uses the addiction to feel temporarily full, but it never lasts and the addiction can continue indefinitely unless the addict is prepared to work hard in therapy and at changing their behaviour. The partner of a sex addict, as often as not, overlooks the affairs, either consciously or unconsciously. This can be because of co-dependency (‘I’d be nothing without you’) or might be related to how they want themselves and their marriage to look to others.
Prospects for recovery: Dependent on whether the non-straying partner can tolerate the situation. The addict is unlikely to change unless they are highly motivated to.
6 The exit affair
The purpose of an exit affair is to try to force the non-straying partner into ending the relationship. Alternatively, it might have started as a distraction from the pain of separation. The affair says, ‘It’s over’, when honest communication has not been happening for a long time. Such an affair could be seen as the cause of the split, but it’s usually a way out after the straying partner has made a decision to end the relationship. Often such a couple comes to therapy because the exiting partner feels that the therapist can mop up their partner’s hurt, allowing them to exit more easily.
Prospects for recovery: Hopeless.
Friday, July 13, 2012
Where Are Your Erogenous Zones?
For men it seems simple. They get turned on by getting their genitals stroked, but there are other parts of their bodies that you can caress in order to make them aroused. When was the last time you touched them?
And what about women? What spot can men touch that will drive women absolutely crazy?
The truth is that not all men and women are the same. You'll have to take the time to discover where your partner's erogenous zones are, but what a pleasure it will be to explore all of their body parts to find the hidden erogenous zones.
Where should you begin?
Most people get turned on through kissing -- which leads to touching, which leads to intercourse -- and then it's over. The body parts that are most often involved in sex are the lips, fingertips and genitals, but have you ever discovered that you have hidden body parts that make you instantly turned-on when they're stimulated? A casual brush across the nape of the neck and you are ready to tear the clothes off your partner.
Who knew?
Take your time and touch and caress. There are lots of body parts to discover during foreplay. Take your time and find out what makes your partner moan.
Leave no skin untouched.
It may be the inside of the wrist, the nape of the neck, or the eyelids. The inside of the thighs are highly sensitive to touching, stroking and licking. Or maybe it's the feet. How will you ever know until you try? Nibble on his earlobe. Does his moan with pleasure? Or maybe you should try a playful nip on her ankle. Make a thorough exploration of each other's bodies. All it may take is a little hot breath on the neck or a long, slow stroke down the spine.
Touch and kiss your partner's elbows, knees, armpits, and tummy. Does that give them goose bumps? Then keep going. You're moving in the right direction.
You never know what kind of touch is going to feel incredibly erotic for your partner. Take the time to discover the secrets of each other's erogenous zones. It's a wonderful way to share a sex secret and create intimacy that will keep the magic of your relationship alive for a long time.
And what about women? What spot can men touch that will drive women absolutely crazy?
The truth is that not all men and women are the same. You'll have to take the time to discover where your partner's erogenous zones are, but what a pleasure it will be to explore all of their body parts to find the hidden erogenous zones.
Where should you begin?
Most people get turned on through kissing -- which leads to touching, which leads to intercourse -- and then it's over. The body parts that are most often involved in sex are the lips, fingertips and genitals, but have you ever discovered that you have hidden body parts that make you instantly turned-on when they're stimulated? A casual brush across the nape of the neck and you are ready to tear the clothes off your partner.
Who knew?
Take your time and touch and caress. There are lots of body parts to discover during foreplay. Take your time and find out what makes your partner moan.
Leave no skin untouched.
It may be the inside of the wrist, the nape of the neck, or the eyelids. The inside of the thighs are highly sensitive to touching, stroking and licking. Or maybe it's the feet. How will you ever know until you try? Nibble on his earlobe. Does his moan with pleasure? Or maybe you should try a playful nip on her ankle. Make a thorough exploration of each other's bodies. All it may take is a little hot breath on the neck or a long, slow stroke down the spine.
Touch and kiss your partner's elbows, knees, armpits, and tummy. Does that give them goose bumps? Then keep going. You're moving in the right direction.
You never know what kind of touch is going to feel incredibly erotic for your partner. Take the time to discover the secrets of each other's erogenous zones. It's a wonderful way to share a sex secret and create intimacy that will keep the magic of your relationship alive for a long time.
Friday, June 22, 2012
Why Does Facebook Think Pleasure Is Dirty?
Apparently, “pleasure” is a dirty word. At least it seems to be according to the Powers That Be of Facebook. I had no idea. Being a small business owner definitely has its educational moments.
I’ve used a variety of tools to promote my business so far: Twitter, blogging, guest posting, networking on- and offline. I had done a fairly good job of ignoring Facebook, mostly because I hadn’t quite figured out how I wanted to use it. But recently, I had a conversation with a friend who suggested a strategy that made sense. It sounded possible. It even sounded fun. I was able to redefine the Facebook tasks in a way that made sense…so I decided to get set up. I’ve had a page but I decided to rebrand from Leela Life Coaching to Body of Pleasure and actually engage at a higher level.
Name the page. Check. Tell people about it. Check. Twenty-five followers, check. Custom URL…not available. I tried BodyofPleasure, and then I tried other combinations and permutations. No dice.
In frustration, I posted to a forum of sexuality educators of which I’m a part. Someone posted back, “I believe pleasure is a blocked word.”
Indeed the Facebook help menus say that “certain words are blocked” from custom URLs, but nowhere is there a list of these words, nor have my colleagues been able to get an answer from The Powers Of Facebook. My colleague listed a number of words with clearly sexually explicit meanings that she knew were also blocked, but I was stuck on pleasure.
Pleasure, really? Pleasure is blocked? Pleasure?
Apparently so. Just to check I tried other phrases with “pleasure” and none were available. (Pleasing is ok though. Huh?) And Body of Pleasures, an adult toy seller (with whom I am not affiliated), doesn’t have a custom URL either.
So what’s up with this, Facebook? Surely you can’t tell me that the pleasures of ice cream, warm sun, cozy blankets, sweet pets, good movies, fabulous writing, grass under my toes, brilliant music, travel, art, and warm peaches fresh from the tree are all obscene. Pleasure is, in fact, not obscene. It’s not offensive, is it? It’s not even NSFW. People drink good quality coffee at desks and computers all around the world. By blocking the word pleasure you’re implying that enjoyment itself is somehow unfit for the public eye.
And it is this attitude that’s got our entire culture tangled in a hopeless knot.
Pleasure is not something that can or should be forgotten, hidden, or shamed. Pleasure is not something we can afford to set aside. Pleasure is the thing that tells us when we’re doing it right.
When we feel good, we’re doing it right. When we don’t feel good, something needs to change.
Sometimes it is a small thing. Sometimes it is a big thing. Sometimes it feels like EVERYTHING.
And when we can’t tell what we’re feeling, we have no idea if it’s right or not. We don’t know if we need new curtains. We don’t know if we need alone time. We don’t know if we should paint our toenails red. We just don’t know.
Which is sucky. And hard. And hard on everyone around us, too.
Pleasure saves the day. It is absolutely key. And Facebook? Blocking it from your URLs does not help matters one little bit. Instead you become part of a general cultural malaise that makes us less and less likely to know what we want and more and more likely to buy stuff or get drunk or get in fights or have insomnia and depression in an effort to figure out what we don’t even remember that we don’t know anymore. All we end up with is this general feeling of blah and no way to fix it.
No way that we remember.
We are caught in this shroud of forgetfulness around pleasure, and so we don’t know that all the tools we need are inside our own heads already.
Dear Facebook: help us remember. Help us remember to remember. Help us engage with the systems of knowing that we already have. Help us figure this one out. Sometimes pleasure is about sex. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes toes are about sex, too, but I don’t think those are blocked. Do one tiny thing to help us be a better place.
I’ve used a variety of tools to promote my business so far: Twitter, blogging, guest posting, networking on- and offline. I had done a fairly good job of ignoring Facebook, mostly because I hadn’t quite figured out how I wanted to use it. But recently, I had a conversation with a friend who suggested a strategy that made sense. It sounded possible. It even sounded fun. I was able to redefine the Facebook tasks in a way that made sense…so I decided to get set up. I’ve had a page but I decided to rebrand from Leela Life Coaching to Body of Pleasure and actually engage at a higher level.
Name the page. Check. Tell people about it. Check. Twenty-five followers, check. Custom URL…not available. I tried BodyofPleasure, and then I tried other combinations and permutations. No dice.
In frustration, I posted to a forum of sexuality educators of which I’m a part. Someone posted back, “I believe pleasure is a blocked word.”
Indeed the Facebook help menus say that “certain words are blocked” from custom URLs, but nowhere is there a list of these words, nor have my colleagues been able to get an answer from The Powers Of Facebook. My colleague listed a number of words with clearly sexually explicit meanings that she knew were also blocked, but I was stuck on pleasure.
Pleasure, really? Pleasure is blocked? Pleasure?
Apparently so. Just to check I tried other phrases with “pleasure” and none were available. (Pleasing is ok though. Huh?) And Body of Pleasures, an adult toy seller (with whom I am not affiliated), doesn’t have a custom URL either.
So what’s up with this, Facebook? Surely you can’t tell me that the pleasures of ice cream, warm sun, cozy blankets, sweet pets, good movies, fabulous writing, grass under my toes, brilliant music, travel, art, and warm peaches fresh from the tree are all obscene. Pleasure is, in fact, not obscene. It’s not offensive, is it? It’s not even NSFW. People drink good quality coffee at desks and computers all around the world. By blocking the word pleasure you’re implying that enjoyment itself is somehow unfit for the public eye.
And it is this attitude that’s got our entire culture tangled in a hopeless knot.
Pleasure is not something that can or should be forgotten, hidden, or shamed. Pleasure is not something we can afford to set aside. Pleasure is the thing that tells us when we’re doing it right.
When we feel good, we’re doing it right. When we don’t feel good, something needs to change.
Sometimes it is a small thing. Sometimes it is a big thing. Sometimes it feels like EVERYTHING.
And when we can’t tell what we’re feeling, we have no idea if it’s right or not. We don’t know if we need new curtains. We don’t know if we need alone time. We don’t know if we should paint our toenails red. We just don’t know.
Which is sucky. And hard. And hard on everyone around us, too.
Pleasure saves the day. It is absolutely key. And Facebook? Blocking it from your URLs does not help matters one little bit. Instead you become part of a general cultural malaise that makes us less and less likely to know what we want and more and more likely to buy stuff or get drunk or get in fights or have insomnia and depression in an effort to figure out what we don’t even remember that we don’t know anymore. All we end up with is this general feeling of blah and no way to fix it.
No way that we remember.
We are caught in this shroud of forgetfulness around pleasure, and so we don’t know that all the tools we need are inside our own heads already.
Dear Facebook: help us remember. Help us remember to remember. Help us engage with the systems of knowing that we already have. Help us figure this one out. Sometimes pleasure is about sex. Sometimes it isn’t. Sometimes toes are about sex, too, but I don’t think those are blocked. Do one tiny thing to help us be a better place.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
The Accidental Orgasm
Now that everyone knows what a clitoris is, there is equal opportunity for all. Prior to the groundbreaking discovery that clitoral stimulation was THE big factor in orgasm, men could imagine that the erect male member was the whole of the ecstasy package.
PREHISTORY AND THE SEX THING — WHO KNEW?
Our ancestors huddled in caves, fled from sabre-toothed tigers, ate roasted lizard, and died at 35. Female sexual satisfaction was not much on their minds.
The first man to elicit an orgasm from a female partner may have had a eureka! moment much like that of the guy who ate the first oyster or lit the first campfire. But I’m betting he didn’t know what a momentous discovery he’d made.
HE: “What the — #*%!^?*!? What’s the matter with you?”
SHE: “I just felt incredibly, fantastically good there for a few moments…”
HE: ”Well, put a sock in it next time. Your shrieking and clawing interrupts my concentration.”
THE EVOLUTION OF THE ORGASM
Civilization has passed through many millennia, all of them sympathetic to male supremacy. We live in the Age of Information Glut, wherein every sentient man knows women are not only capable of orgasms, but insist on them. Staring out from magazines, newspapers, and screens of every size and resolution are the faces of super-confident hotties whose message is plainly, “If you don’t get me off, pal, you’re gone.”
Now that everyone knows what a clitoris is, there is equal opportunity for all. Prior to the groundbreaking discovery that clitoral stimulation was THE big factor in orgasm, men could imagine that the erect male member was the whole of the ecstasy package. These days accidental orgasm is passé, an embarrassment, a sign that a man is not doing his job.
BUT ON THE DOWNSIDE….
Female self-affirmation has unleashed upon males a tidal wave of performance anxiety. Men once feared mere death, but now they live in terror of erectile dysfunction. It’s not just grandpas who are using Viagra. Studies suggest that younger men too experience E.D. For those with no physical ailment, the cause is most often fear of comparison, fear of not — er– measuring up.
Older guys’ E.D. is more physical than emotional. UniversityofChicagoresearchers say about one-third of American men 50-65 suffer from E.D. and from ages 65 to 85 the figure jumps to 44 percent. Few older men report the kind of performance anxiety that comes from fear of comparison, partly because they’ve had time to hone their skills in long-term marriages or in multiple relationships over time. And unless they’re wooing women young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters, they can count on the understanding of women partners mature enough to have been through the same wars.
WHAT OLD GUYS FEAR THE MOST
For old guys it’s not performance anxiety. It’s fear of the Last Erection. When a man of 60 experiences a temporary limp-out he’s positive that this is the moment he’s dreaded for the last decade. OMG my last erection was THE last.
This sort of flawed thinking can introduce anxiousness into otherwise vigorous and spontaneous lovemaking. If only the order were reversed – first the ejaculation, then the foreplay! Getting rid of the Big If right away, senior men could relax and focus more happily on the ecstasy-inducing moves the modern woman requires.
We don’t want it that way, of course. Women have had enough of being the afterthought. But ironically, we senior gals can benefit from Big If stress, because guys who are bummed about not having the rock-hard erections they had in their 20s will simply try harder to please, which means they won’t be settling for the accidental orgasm — and neither will you.
PREHISTORY AND THE SEX THING — WHO KNEW?
Our ancestors huddled in caves, fled from sabre-toothed tigers, ate roasted lizard, and died at 35. Female sexual satisfaction was not much on their minds.
The first man to elicit an orgasm from a female partner may have had a eureka! moment much like that of the guy who ate the first oyster or lit the first campfire. But I’m betting he didn’t know what a momentous discovery he’d made.
HE: “What the — #*%!^?*!? What’s the matter with you?”
SHE: “I just felt incredibly, fantastically good there for a few moments…”
HE: ”Well, put a sock in it next time. Your shrieking and clawing interrupts my concentration.”
THE EVOLUTION OF THE ORGASM
Civilization has passed through many millennia, all of them sympathetic to male supremacy. We live in the Age of Information Glut, wherein every sentient man knows women are not only capable of orgasms, but insist on them. Staring out from magazines, newspapers, and screens of every size and resolution are the faces of super-confident hotties whose message is plainly, “If you don’t get me off, pal, you’re gone.”
Now that everyone knows what a clitoris is, there is equal opportunity for all. Prior to the groundbreaking discovery that clitoral stimulation was THE big factor in orgasm, men could imagine that the erect male member was the whole of the ecstasy package. These days accidental orgasm is passé, an embarrassment, a sign that a man is not doing his job.
BUT ON THE DOWNSIDE….
Female self-affirmation has unleashed upon males a tidal wave of performance anxiety. Men once feared mere death, but now they live in terror of erectile dysfunction. It’s not just grandpas who are using Viagra. Studies suggest that younger men too experience E.D. For those with no physical ailment, the cause is most often fear of comparison, fear of not — er– measuring up.
Older guys’ E.D. is more physical than emotional. UniversityofChicagoresearchers say about one-third of American men 50-65 suffer from E.D. and from ages 65 to 85 the figure jumps to 44 percent. Few older men report the kind of performance anxiety that comes from fear of comparison, partly because they’ve had time to hone their skills in long-term marriages or in multiple relationships over time. And unless they’re wooing women young enough to be their daughters or granddaughters, they can count on the understanding of women partners mature enough to have been through the same wars.
WHAT OLD GUYS FEAR THE MOST
For old guys it’s not performance anxiety. It’s fear of the Last Erection. When a man of 60 experiences a temporary limp-out he’s positive that this is the moment he’s dreaded for the last decade. OMG my last erection was THE last.
This sort of flawed thinking can introduce anxiousness into otherwise vigorous and spontaneous lovemaking. If only the order were reversed – first the ejaculation, then the foreplay! Getting rid of the Big If right away, senior men could relax and focus more happily on the ecstasy-inducing moves the modern woman requires.
We don’t want it that way, of course. Women have had enough of being the afterthought. But ironically, we senior gals can benefit from Big If stress, because guys who are bummed about not having the rock-hard erections they had in their 20s will simply try harder to please, which means they won’t be settling for the accidental orgasm — and neither will you.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
May is National Masturbation Month
What? I don't remember that on my Hallmark calendar. Besides, isn't every month masturbation month? Rah, rah! Or is it raw, raw?
Good Vibrations is a sex store in San Francisco founded in 1977 by sex therapist and educator Joani Blank. It was initially established with the goal of being a sex-positive and woman-centered alternative to the 'adult' bookstores of the time, Good Vibrations offered sex information and education, featured erotica and books about sexual health and pleasure, and pioneered the concept of the "sex-positive, clean, well-lighted place" to buy sex toys.
Minnie Joycelyn Elders was the first African American and second woman to hold the position of Surgeon General of the United States, being appointed by President Bill Clinton in 1993. Like many of the surgeons general before her, she was an outspoken advocate of a variety of health-related causes. She argued for an exploration of the possibility of drug legalization and backed the distribution of contraceptives in schools.
In 1994, she was invited to speak at a United Nations conference on AIDS. She was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity, and she replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." This remark caused great controversy and resulted in Elders losing the support of the White House. ... Elders was fired by President Clinton as a result of the controversy in December 1994.
In 1995, California sex advocate Dr. Carol Queen with the assistance of Good Vibrations, held the first National Masturbation Day on May 7 while declaring May masturbation month. So get goin' and have some fun.
Good Vibrations is a sex store in San Francisco founded in 1977 by sex therapist and educator Joani Blank. It was initially established with the goal of being a sex-positive and woman-centered alternative to the 'adult' bookstores of the time, Good Vibrations offered sex information and education, featured erotica and books about sexual health and pleasure, and pioneered the concept of the "sex-positive, clean, well-lighted place" to buy sex toys.
Minnie Joycelyn Elders was the first African American and second woman to hold the position of Surgeon General of the United States, being appointed by President Bill Clinton in 1993. Like many of the surgeons general before her, she was an outspoken advocate of a variety of health-related causes. She argued for an exploration of the possibility of drug legalization and backed the distribution of contraceptives in schools.
In 1994, she was invited to speak at a United Nations conference on AIDS. She was asked whether it would be appropriate to promote masturbation as a means of preventing young people from engaging in riskier forms of sexual activity, and she replied, "I think that it is part of human sexuality, and perhaps it should be taught." This remark caused great controversy and resulted in Elders losing the support of the White House. ... Elders was fired by President Clinton as a result of the controversy in December 1994.
In 1995, California sex advocate Dr. Carol Queen with the assistance of Good Vibrations, held the first National Masturbation Day on May 7 while declaring May masturbation month. So get goin' and have some fun.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Pomegranate Could be the New Aphrodisiac
Move over, chocolate and oysters, there’s a new aphrodisiac in town: pomegranate juice.
A study at Queen Margaret University in Edinburgh tested 58 volunteers between the ages of 21 and 64, and, boy oh boy, did they get hot and bothered for this one.
In all seriousness, the researchers found elevated levels of testosterone in both sexes after administering consistent doses of pomegranate juice over a two-week span. For both sexes, testosterone is crucial to raising sexual desire.
The subjects saw an increase in testosterone ranging between 16% and 30% and some other useful side effects were noticed, too. Both sexes saw a drop in blood pressure and an increase in positivity as negative emotions decreased. If only the juice could wash away disgusting thoughts of a nude Octomom from our lives, too.
Previous studies have shown that pomegranates are also full of antioxidants known to battle cancer, fight heart disease and improve blood circulation.
Pomegranate martinis, anyone?
A study at Queen Margaret University in Edinburgh tested 58 volunteers between the ages of 21 and 64, and, boy oh boy, did they get hot and bothered for this one.
In all seriousness, the researchers found elevated levels of testosterone in both sexes after administering consistent doses of pomegranate juice over a two-week span. For both sexes, testosterone is crucial to raising sexual desire.
The subjects saw an increase in testosterone ranging between 16% and 30% and some other useful side effects were noticed, too. Both sexes saw a drop in blood pressure and an increase in positivity as negative emotions decreased. If only the juice could wash away disgusting thoughts of a nude Octomom from our lives, too.
Previous studies have shown that pomegranates are also full of antioxidants known to battle cancer, fight heart disease and improve blood circulation.
Pomegranate martinis, anyone?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Overeating just to get recognition
OBSERVATION. As I'm flipping through the channels I come across several programs or commercials emphasizing the importance on various topics. All of which contain some valuable content. Commercials for feeding the hungry,programs on the mayan calendar (and how much milk bread and eggs one should have in the event of dooms day), the weather channel, and even the old nun w the eye patch on public access all contain something that may be of benefit to any viewer.
THEN I COME ACROSS Man vs. Food...I simply can't stand this slob. First, I just near vomit every time I watch him take an over sized bite of a cheese steak because ALWAYS a portion remains on his fat face. Second, aside from raiding the fridge he has no true kitchen or culinary experience with the exception being an overly zellous "flair" waiter who overuses the term "guys" when addressing any and all patrons. Finally, we come to the "Let's see how much trans fat can I slug in one sitting" challenge. NEVER HAVE I SEEN SOMEONE PUMP THEMSELF UP as well attempt to SELL THE CROWD on the notion that he's about to march down the field and score.
Kris Angel buried himself in 10 ft of snow and concrete and never once through his hands in the air while this guys tryin to do nothing more than show us how he buries his eating disorder w the spirit of competition! The good news is the shelf life of this " Bison Farmers dream" tv host can't go much longer. I'm willing to even bet he wants to go out in the blaze of glory... Whether choking over the last wing or drowning in a potato pool full of gravy doesn't matter to me. I'll take one eyed nun back anyday.
THEN I COME ACROSS Man vs. Food...I simply can't stand this slob. First, I just near vomit every time I watch him take an over sized bite of a cheese steak because ALWAYS a portion remains on his fat face. Second, aside from raiding the fridge he has no true kitchen or culinary experience with the exception being an overly zellous "flair" waiter who overuses the term "guys" when addressing any and all patrons. Finally, we come to the "Let's see how much trans fat can I slug in one sitting" challenge. NEVER HAVE I SEEN SOMEONE PUMP THEMSELF UP as well attempt to SELL THE CROWD on the notion that he's about to march down the field and score.
Kris Angel buried himself in 10 ft of snow and concrete and never once through his hands in the air while this guys tryin to do nothing more than show us how he buries his eating disorder w the spirit of competition! The good news is the shelf life of this " Bison Farmers dream" tv host can't go much longer. I'm willing to even bet he wants to go out in the blaze of glory... Whether choking over the last wing or drowning in a potato pool full of gravy doesn't matter to me. I'll take one eyed nun back anyday.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Experiment shows visual cortex in women quiets when viewing porn
(Medical Xpress) -- Researchers from the University of Groningen Medical Centre in the Netherlands have found that for women at least, watching pornographic videos tends to quiet the part of the brain most heavily involved in looking at and processing things in the immediate environment, suggesting that the brain finds arousal more important during that time than is processing what is actually being seen. The team has published a paper in The Journal of Sexual Medicine describing their findings.
To find out if the primary visual cortex is essentially deactivated during sexual arousal in women, the team enlisted 12 volunteers; all women between the ages of 18 and 47, who had not yet reached menopause. Also each was on oral birth control pills which tend to flatten menstrual cycles and smooth out sexual desire and/or anxiety. Each was shown three videos, one with no sexual connotation, another with mild sexual content, and a third that was full on hard-core porn. While they were watching the videos, the women were also having their brain activity watched via PET scans, which work by measuring blood flow to the various brain regions. It is thought that more blood flow indicates that more brainwork is occurring, which implies that when the brain delegates tasks to different regions, by sending more blood, it is demonstrating that it finds certain activities more important than others.
The team found virtually no difference in brain activity in all of the women when watching the first two videos. When watching the third however, they found that blood flow to the visual cortex was reduced in all of the volunteers indicating that the brain had decided that focusing on arousal was more important than fixating on exactly what was occurring on the screen in front of them (or that women just don’t want to really see what is going on with sex). This is in direct contrast to most other visual activities which tend to cause more blood to flow to the visual cortex to process all of the information that is coming in.
The researchers also suggest their findings help explain why women who exhibit symptoms of anxiety often report sexual problems, as high anxiety is often correlated with increased blood flow to the visual cortex due to the person reacting on a nearly constant basis to visual stimuli. They point out that for people in general, the brain cannot be both anxious and aroused, it generally has to be one or the other, or neither.
To find out if the primary visual cortex is essentially deactivated during sexual arousal in women, the team enlisted 12 volunteers; all women between the ages of 18 and 47, who had not yet reached menopause. Also each was on oral birth control pills which tend to flatten menstrual cycles and smooth out sexual desire and/or anxiety. Each was shown three videos, one with no sexual connotation, another with mild sexual content, and a third that was full on hard-core porn. While they were watching the videos, the women were also having their brain activity watched via PET scans, which work by measuring blood flow to the various brain regions. It is thought that more blood flow indicates that more brainwork is occurring, which implies that when the brain delegates tasks to different regions, by sending more blood, it is demonstrating that it finds certain activities more important than others.
The team found virtually no difference in brain activity in all of the women when watching the first two videos. When watching the third however, they found that blood flow to the visual cortex was reduced in all of the volunteers indicating that the brain had decided that focusing on arousal was more important than fixating on exactly what was occurring on the screen in front of them (or that women just don’t want to really see what is going on with sex). This is in direct contrast to most other visual activities which tend to cause more blood to flow to the visual cortex to process all of the information that is coming in.
The researchers also suggest their findings help explain why women who exhibit symptoms of anxiety often report sexual problems, as high anxiety is often correlated with increased blood flow to the visual cortex due to the person reacting on a nearly constant basis to visual stimuli. They point out that for people in general, the brain cannot be both anxious and aroused, it generally has to be one or the other, or neither.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Penis Girth Matters
How many times have you heard women say that penis size doesn’t matter? Or that when it comes to a guy’s penis, it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean? Well, I have good news, bad news and more good news. It’s true that the length of a man’s penis isn’t a big deal to most women; in fact, the typical vagina is only about four inches long when aroused, while the average penis is about five to six inches long when erect -- so you do the math. Alternatively, penis girth (or width) can make a difference. Worried that you don’t measure up? I have tips and tricks to help you take your sex life from “meh” to “wow”!
The pink pearl
First, let's talk about the clitoris. Most people are familiar with the little pink pearl that sits at the top of the labia. It is extremely sensitive and is covered by a little hood of skin that is actually where the tops of the labia come together. But there is much more to the clitoris than just what you can see and feel. The entire clitoris is shaped like an upside down “V.” Its legs (crura) extend down and under the pubic bone, and it also has extensions that follow along each side of the vaginal opening, called the vestibular bulbs. The entire clitoris is made up of spongy tissue that fills with blood when a woman gets aroused. As Dr. Emily Nagoski discusses in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, “Averaging just one-eighth the size of a penis yet loaded with nearly double the nerve endings, it is the only human organ with no function other than pleasure.”
The power of penis girth
A wide penis puts more pressure on the vestibular bulbs, which gives a pleasurable feeling of fullness at the vaginal opening. Some researchers have commented that this feeling of fullness is psychologically pleasing as well. A wide penis also creates more tension on the labia, which, in turn, causes more tugging and movement at the hood covering the clitoris. This adds stimulation to the clitoris in addition to the surrounding tissues. The pudendal nerve supplies the entire vulva, including the labia, clitoris and the lower third of the vagina. So, the more surface area you have contact with at any one time, the more exciting signals you’ll have traveling through that nerve. A wide penis can do just that.
Now, the average erect penis is about four inches in circumference (I’ll pause here to let you get that tape measure). But all men can use certain techniques to give a woman the feeling of a wider penis. First, use a slight circular motion as you thrust. This way, the shaft of the penis pushes more against the sides of the vaginal opening, giving the woman that extra pressure and tension. You can also choose an angle of entry that allows you to put more pressure on the fourchette, the area below the vaginal opening where the labia end in a little "V." This will also tug the labia a little more and stretch her pelvic muscles. Feeling creative? Try working in extra fingers or using a penile sleeve.
So that's the skinny on penis girth, guys. Remember, regardless of how you measure up, you can still pleasure women!
The pink pearl
First, let's talk about the clitoris. Most people are familiar with the little pink pearl that sits at the top of the labia. It is extremely sensitive and is covered by a little hood of skin that is actually where the tops of the labia come together. But there is much more to the clitoris than just what you can see and feel. The entire clitoris is shaped like an upside down “V.” Its legs (crura) extend down and under the pubic bone, and it also has extensions that follow along each side of the vaginal opening, called the vestibular bulbs. The entire clitoris is made up of spongy tissue that fills with blood when a woman gets aroused. As Dr. Emily Nagoski discusses in the Good in Bed Guide to Female Orgasms, “Averaging just one-eighth the size of a penis yet loaded with nearly double the nerve endings, it is the only human organ with no function other than pleasure.”
The power of penis girth
A wide penis puts more pressure on the vestibular bulbs, which gives a pleasurable feeling of fullness at the vaginal opening. Some researchers have commented that this feeling of fullness is psychologically pleasing as well. A wide penis also creates more tension on the labia, which, in turn, causes more tugging and movement at the hood covering the clitoris. This adds stimulation to the clitoris in addition to the surrounding tissues. The pudendal nerve supplies the entire vulva, including the labia, clitoris and the lower third of the vagina. So, the more surface area you have contact with at any one time, the more exciting signals you’ll have traveling through that nerve. A wide penis can do just that.
Now, the average erect penis is about four inches in circumference (I’ll pause here to let you get that tape measure). But all men can use certain techniques to give a woman the feeling of a wider penis. First, use a slight circular motion as you thrust. This way, the shaft of the penis pushes more against the sides of the vaginal opening, giving the woman that extra pressure and tension. You can also choose an angle of entry that allows you to put more pressure on the fourchette, the area below the vaginal opening where the labia end in a little "V." This will also tug the labia a little more and stretch her pelvic muscles. Feeling creative? Try working in extra fingers or using a penile sleeve.
So that's the skinny on penis girth, guys. Remember, regardless of how you measure up, you can still pleasure women!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Erections and Naturism
In terms of your concerns about erections, you are not the first to be worried about this; nor will you be the last. I hope that I am able to put your mind at rest with the following information.
I have been a Naturist for a long time and YBN has many members that are completely new to Naturism and to being naked socially. Nearly all of the members have shown the same concern about getting an erection when they first joined. However when it comes to the crunch of making the step into ‘public’ nudity there is absolutely nothing to worry about!
It is quite normal that guys’ hormones can be a little wild when they are going through puberty and soon after. It is perfectly natural for your body to react in ways that you have no control over, without any reason or warning… It can be a worrying time, full of confusion and doubt.
The thing to remember when you are in a naturist environment is that although there are lots of naked bodies, it is not sexual in any way. But if when you are naked and feel that you may be getting aroused then you just need to make an effort to cover it up; you can wrap a towel around yourself or roll on your front etc; it is not acceptable to walk around with an erection.
But don’t get too hung up on this issue, it really is nothing to worry about! The thought and worry will go away as soon as you arrive and strip off with everyone else!
Naturism is a great way to feel accepted and to become comfortable with your own body image; most members have found that by coming to Naturist events both their overall confidence and their positivity towards their own body image has increased. Naturists are very accepting people; they see people for who they are and not what they look like. It’s not about what ‘brand’ or ‘badge’ you are wearing; it is all about you as a person.
Rest assured though, you are not alone with your initial concerns! After all; the majority of us have felt those same concerns and had those same anxieties. Like most new things; the thought of trying something often creates much more anxiety than at the actual experience itself!!
I hope this helps and if you have any further questions about this or YBN & Naturism in general please do not hesitate to ask.
I have been a Naturist for a long time and YBN has many members that are completely new to Naturism and to being naked socially. Nearly all of the members have shown the same concern about getting an erection when they first joined. However when it comes to the crunch of making the step into ‘public’ nudity there is absolutely nothing to worry about!
It is quite normal that guys’ hormones can be a little wild when they are going through puberty and soon after. It is perfectly natural for your body to react in ways that you have no control over, without any reason or warning… It can be a worrying time, full of confusion and doubt.
The thing to remember when you are in a naturist environment is that although there are lots of naked bodies, it is not sexual in any way. But if when you are naked and feel that you may be getting aroused then you just need to make an effort to cover it up; you can wrap a towel around yourself or roll on your front etc; it is not acceptable to walk around with an erection.
But don’t get too hung up on this issue, it really is nothing to worry about! The thought and worry will go away as soon as you arrive and strip off with everyone else!
Naturism is a great way to feel accepted and to become comfortable with your own body image; most members have found that by coming to Naturist events both their overall confidence and their positivity towards their own body image has increased. Naturists are very accepting people; they see people for who they are and not what they look like. It’s not about what ‘brand’ or ‘badge’ you are wearing; it is all about you as a person.
Rest assured though, you are not alone with your initial concerns! After all; the majority of us have felt those same concerns and had those same anxieties. Like most new things; the thought of trying something often creates much more anxiety than at the actual experience itself!!
I hope this helps and if you have any further questions about this or YBN & Naturism in general please do not hesitate to ask.
Friday, April 20, 2012
5 Ways To Start Getting Oral Sex REGULARLY!
Oral sex can be a fun way for your partner to show you how much she loves you. If you aren’t getting as much oral sex as you want, use these methods to start getting it on a regular basis.
1. Wake Up The Nerves In Her Lips And Mouth
I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t absolutely LOVE this. Next time you’re in bed or even just kissing your woman, kiss her really nicely and then say. “Hold on a second. I want you to close your eyes and just let me kiss you for a second.”
The key is to get her to just stay still with her mouth either closed or partially open. While she’s laying there (or standing there), take the very tip of your tongue and lightly trace it along her lips. You just barely want the tip of your tongue to touch her lip.
You’re not licking her like dog here or anything like that, you’re just gently caressing her lips with your tongue.Women LOVE this when you do it right.
2. Create An “Oral Fixation”
OK, you remember Pavlov’s dogs? The short version is that Pavlov rang a dinner bell every time he was going to feed some dogs he had. Before long the dogs started salivating when he rang the bell even when there was no food.
We’re going to start doing something similar with your wife. We’re going to start creating a connection between pleasure and the idea of having part of YOU in her mouth. Next time you’re in bed with your woman, take time to really focus on HER pleasure.
If there’s a particular way she really likes you to fuck her, do that. Or you can go down on her, use your fingers. Just focus on doing something you KNOW gets her off and that she really enjoys.
While she’s in the throes of passion, bring your fingers up to her mouth. Just bring them right up to her lips. (Quick note: many women really LIKE the taste of their own vaginal juices. You may want to get your fingers all wet, finger her to an orgasm and then bring your fingers up to her mouth.)
The key is to have her suck on your fingers either WHILE she’s experiencing great pleasure (one hand is getting her off while the other is in her mouth) or directly afterwards.
This is largely a continuation of our last “Trick” but it deserves its own section. If/when she starts to lick and suck your fingers, make sure you give her POSITIVE reinforcement.
3. Use “Outside The Bedroom Talk”
Hopefully you’re in the habit of giving your wife/girlfriend/lover compliments. What I want you to do from now on is start mixing in the occasional comment on her lips, mouth or tongue. So at one point you might comment on her eyes, her hair, whatever else you find sexy about her.
But then slip in something like:
“You have the most gorgeous lips.”
Or “Your tongue really turns me on.”
Or “I love the way your lips feel on my skin.”
You don’t ever need to make a direct connection between this and oral sex. Instead just create the idea in her mind of her lips, mouth and tongue being sexy and beautiful and desirable.
Again, we’re going for more self esteem, power and desirability here. With everything you’re doing, make sure you do it with a smile. Remember, sex is FUN!
4. Show Her What It Feels Like
I know, this sounds weird, let me explain. Next time you’re messing around with your woman I want you kiss your way down her arm. Use your tongue and lips liberally here and really let her enjoy it.
Kiss your way across her palm, up her fingers and then (with a smile, this is FUN) take her finger into your mouth. Eye contact is good here. Really have fun with her fingers. Fingers are actually REALLY sensitive. She’ll probably like this a LOT and may even get into it.
Being the “Receiver” in that way can really help your woman get into the idea of blowjobs being fun for both side.
5. Make It Seem Like Her Idea
OK, as I said way back in the first few pages of this (increasingly comprehensive…man, my fingers are tired) training, one of the reason so many women don’t like giving a blowjob is because of trauma from the past.
A boyfriend or husband or some guy they were dating was too rough with her, made her gag, created a bad memory and ruined it for the rest of us.
So what we need to do to get her to be INTO the idea of giving you head is put her in the driver’s seat and make the whole thing seem like her idea. If you follow the first 4 steps I listed out here you should be slowly warming her up to the idea of her mouth being an erogenous zone and oral being fun.
Now it’s time to give her the opportunity to “take the bait” and make the decision all on her own to give you head.
1. Wake Up The Nerves In Her Lips And Mouth
I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t absolutely LOVE this. Next time you’re in bed or even just kissing your woman, kiss her really nicely and then say. “Hold on a second. I want you to close your eyes and just let me kiss you for a second.”
The key is to get her to just stay still with her mouth either closed or partially open. While she’s laying there (or standing there), take the very tip of your tongue and lightly trace it along her lips. You just barely want the tip of your tongue to touch her lip.
You’re not licking her like dog here or anything like that, you’re just gently caressing her lips with your tongue.Women LOVE this when you do it right.
2. Create An “Oral Fixation”
OK, you remember Pavlov’s dogs? The short version is that Pavlov rang a dinner bell every time he was going to feed some dogs he had. Before long the dogs started salivating when he rang the bell even when there was no food.
We’re going to start doing something similar with your wife. We’re going to start creating a connection between pleasure and the idea of having part of YOU in her mouth. Next time you’re in bed with your woman, take time to really focus on HER pleasure.
If there’s a particular way she really likes you to fuck her, do that. Or you can go down on her, use your fingers. Just focus on doing something you KNOW gets her off and that she really enjoys.
While she’s in the throes of passion, bring your fingers up to her mouth. Just bring them right up to her lips. (Quick note: many women really LIKE the taste of their own vaginal juices. You may want to get your fingers all wet, finger her to an orgasm and then bring your fingers up to her mouth.)
The key is to have her suck on your fingers either WHILE she’s experiencing great pleasure (one hand is getting her off while the other is in her mouth) or directly afterwards.
This is largely a continuation of our last “Trick” but it deserves its own section. If/when she starts to lick and suck your fingers, make sure you give her POSITIVE reinforcement.
3. Use “Outside The Bedroom Talk”
Hopefully you’re in the habit of giving your wife/girlfriend/lover compliments. What I want you to do from now on is start mixing in the occasional comment on her lips, mouth or tongue. So at one point you might comment on her eyes, her hair, whatever else you find sexy about her.
But then slip in something like:
“You have the most gorgeous lips.”
Or “Your tongue really turns me on.”
Or “I love the way your lips feel on my skin.”
You don’t ever need to make a direct connection between this and oral sex. Instead just create the idea in her mind of her lips, mouth and tongue being sexy and beautiful and desirable.
Again, we’re going for more self esteem, power and desirability here. With everything you’re doing, make sure you do it with a smile. Remember, sex is FUN!
4. Show Her What It Feels Like
I know, this sounds weird, let me explain. Next time you’re messing around with your woman I want you kiss your way down her arm. Use your tongue and lips liberally here and really let her enjoy it.
Kiss your way across her palm, up her fingers and then (with a smile, this is FUN) take her finger into your mouth. Eye contact is good here. Really have fun with her fingers. Fingers are actually REALLY sensitive. She’ll probably like this a LOT and may even get into it.
Being the “Receiver” in that way can really help your woman get into the idea of blowjobs being fun for both side.
5. Make It Seem Like Her Idea
OK, as I said way back in the first few pages of this (increasingly comprehensive…man, my fingers are tired) training, one of the reason so many women don’t like giving a blowjob is because of trauma from the past.
A boyfriend or husband or some guy they were dating was too rough with her, made her gag, created a bad memory and ruined it for the rest of us.
So what we need to do to get her to be INTO the idea of giving you head is put her in the driver’s seat and make the whole thing seem like her idea. If you follow the first 4 steps I listed out here you should be slowly warming her up to the idea of her mouth being an erogenous zone and oral being fun.
Now it’s time to give her the opportunity to “take the bait” and make the decision all on her own to give you head.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Cover Letter for Jobs - Comedy
Dear Hiring Manager,
I'd first like to take a moment to thank you for reading this before making any rash decisions. Though my resume, teeth, and demeanor speak for themselves please understand that such qualities are in high demand in todays market. Therefore, before either of us move forward in regards to the position I'd prefer to speak briefly about my history, as well as make clear what my expectations are both of you, as well as the organization.
As Willy Wonka once told Mike TV, "time is a precious thing... let's not waste it." He was so serious about that remark he literally threw a perfectly functioning clock into an industrial mixer. I'm sure a mid level decision maker like yourself cannot relate to the entreprenurial spirit of Mr. Wonka however pay that no mind. It can however be assumed that I, like Charlie Bucket, carry the will, desire, and overall fine sense of fashion to take your company to the next level. Unlike Charlie, I will not be distracted by the likes of a Mr. Slugworth, of whom symbolizes our competition in the market place.
Now before you simply pick up the phone and make me a formal offer allow me to put the brakes on... Hands of the merchandise my friend. My experience with previous positions can best be described as a "learning curve" not in the game of life, but more so monopoly. I've seen beaurocracy at its finest. I've witnessed those who own property on "park ave" end up downgrading to "park place" or even worse, are now living under a boardwalk. The little thimble which was once a character on a board game is now what they use to scoop drinking water from a puddle.
If the hierarchy of your organization continues to squeeze the fair share of the wealth solely to the top, like a tube of toothpaste that should have been tossed days ago I simply cannot move forward, at least without the guarantee of a signing bonus. If no signing bonus, I'll forceably accept a higher guaranteed base salary. I am pro- holidays off, especially the ones that only banks acknowledge or Canada or Mexico as I'm a firm believer in refueling the tank as its necessary to put in a full 4 day work week.
In addition to being humble, my character is also one that can only be described as the perfect employee. As opposed to arriving early, or even on time, I make the sacrifice and arrive approx. 15-20 minutes after the rest of the company. The last thing I want to do is have colleagues focused on how they can do things as I do, as opposed to focusing on themselves. I am also very punctual as I am sure to leave for lunch everyday at 12pm exactly regardless of deadlines! How many times have you had a peer leave work early due to illness when perhaps all they needed was a bloody mary to pony up for the rest of the day (countless nutrients in tomato juice). You can rest assure the 2 to 3 hours after lunch are what I like to call "go time."
Interoffice romances I take very seriously. Such behavior should not be tolerated in the work place unless of course the rumors, gossip, and pending domestic violence take place outside the company walls. Then, it is not our problem therefore should be business as usual. Drug use without the consent of a doctor or co-worker should also be addressed. Such topics should be "whether the drug is a stimulant or sedative" as well as if the drug "makes that person more or less annoying" and finally "are they more productive, and less likely to storm the office one day with a hunting rifle from Walmart." No, I don't expect you to understand all these medical terms but understand most people who say they take pride in meneal, boring, soulless tasks whether it be falsifying a Profit and Loss statement or rearranging the "dad hates you" t-shirts at Hot Topic are most likely on some form of happy pill.
A final practice I live by is this, "work smarter, not harder..." thus I encourage you (if not already) to adopt such thinking. 40 hours a week in the workplace significantly impact the long term growth of any organization. Between meetings, alarm clocks, and deadlines there is hardly anytime for one to enjoy a simple long island iced tea, accept maybe lunch time or in the wee hours of a weeknight. I've always cared about the 5 year plan, that's just me I'm a visionary thus if maximizing production is the goal then suggest to cut required hours down to say 20 hours a week. This not only will allow the real "go getters" to finally be recognized by burning out at 25-30 hours but also allow the company to cut health care for everyone! Doesn't it make sense that one who is uninsured is more likely to take care of themselves, drink less, not get sick or get AIDs than one who falls back on the cushion of a health care plan? If the wheels aren't turning by now than perhaps I'm not the best fit for the company and regret having to turn down your pending offer.
Again, I thank you for any opportunities that are either in the organization or if you simply know of one elsewhere. Having said that, most likely you'll opt to pursue me regardless thus please be aware that as I am currently unemployed I prefer to not be called before 11am. I also do not like voicemails, thus text me from your personal cell and mention that it was you, the hiring manager whom attempted to reach me.
I need not bother you with providing professional references as I feel I can provide a reference for myself that is beyond satisfactory. I look forward to starting a great working relationship with you in the near future.
I'd first like to take a moment to thank you for reading this before making any rash decisions. Though my resume, teeth, and demeanor speak for themselves please understand that such qualities are in high demand in todays market. Therefore, before either of us move forward in regards to the position I'd prefer to speak briefly about my history, as well as make clear what my expectations are both of you, as well as the organization.
As Willy Wonka once told Mike TV, "time is a precious thing... let's not waste it." He was so serious about that remark he literally threw a perfectly functioning clock into an industrial mixer. I'm sure a mid level decision maker like yourself cannot relate to the entreprenurial spirit of Mr. Wonka however pay that no mind. It can however be assumed that I, like Charlie Bucket, carry the will, desire, and overall fine sense of fashion to take your company to the next level. Unlike Charlie, I will not be distracted by the likes of a Mr. Slugworth, of whom symbolizes our competition in the market place.
Now before you simply pick up the phone and make me a formal offer allow me to put the brakes on... Hands of the merchandise my friend. My experience with previous positions can best be described as a "learning curve" not in the game of life, but more so monopoly. I've seen beaurocracy at its finest. I've witnessed those who own property on "park ave" end up downgrading to "park place" or even worse, are now living under a boardwalk. The little thimble which was once a character on a board game is now what they use to scoop drinking water from a puddle.
If the hierarchy of your organization continues to squeeze the fair share of the wealth solely to the top, like a tube of toothpaste that should have been tossed days ago I simply cannot move forward, at least without the guarantee of a signing bonus. If no signing bonus, I'll forceably accept a higher guaranteed base salary. I am pro- holidays off, especially the ones that only banks acknowledge or Canada or Mexico as I'm a firm believer in refueling the tank as its necessary to put in a full 4 day work week.
In addition to being humble, my character is also one that can only be described as the perfect employee. As opposed to arriving early, or even on time, I make the sacrifice and arrive approx. 15-20 minutes after the rest of the company. The last thing I want to do is have colleagues focused on how they can do things as I do, as opposed to focusing on themselves. I am also very punctual as I am sure to leave for lunch everyday at 12pm exactly regardless of deadlines! How many times have you had a peer leave work early due to illness when perhaps all they needed was a bloody mary to pony up for the rest of the day (countless nutrients in tomato juice). You can rest assure the 2 to 3 hours after lunch are what I like to call "go time."
Interoffice romances I take very seriously. Such behavior should not be tolerated in the work place unless of course the rumors, gossip, and pending domestic violence take place outside the company walls. Then, it is not our problem therefore should be business as usual. Drug use without the consent of a doctor or co-worker should also be addressed. Such topics should be "whether the drug is a stimulant or sedative" as well as if the drug "makes that person more or less annoying" and finally "are they more productive, and less likely to storm the office one day with a hunting rifle from Walmart." No, I don't expect you to understand all these medical terms but understand most people who say they take pride in meneal, boring, soulless tasks whether it be falsifying a Profit and Loss statement or rearranging the "dad hates you" t-shirts at Hot Topic are most likely on some form of happy pill.
A final practice I live by is this, "work smarter, not harder..." thus I encourage you (if not already) to adopt such thinking. 40 hours a week in the workplace significantly impact the long term growth of any organization. Between meetings, alarm clocks, and deadlines there is hardly anytime for one to enjoy a simple long island iced tea, accept maybe lunch time or in the wee hours of a weeknight. I've always cared about the 5 year plan, that's just me I'm a visionary thus if maximizing production is the goal then suggest to cut required hours down to say 20 hours a week. This not only will allow the real "go getters" to finally be recognized by burning out at 25-30 hours but also allow the company to cut health care for everyone! Doesn't it make sense that one who is uninsured is more likely to take care of themselves, drink less, not get sick or get AIDs than one who falls back on the cushion of a health care plan? If the wheels aren't turning by now than perhaps I'm not the best fit for the company and regret having to turn down your pending offer.
Again, I thank you for any opportunities that are either in the organization or if you simply know of one elsewhere. Having said that, most likely you'll opt to pursue me regardless thus please be aware that as I am currently unemployed I prefer to not be called before 11am. I also do not like voicemails, thus text me from your personal cell and mention that it was you, the hiring manager whom attempted to reach me.
I need not bother you with providing professional references as I feel I can provide a reference for myself that is beyond satisfactory. I look forward to starting a great working relationship with you in the near future.
Seven Ways to get Your Lover Goin'
Seven Ways to get Your Lover Goin'
1. Entice your partner with orgasm exploration. Read up on the many types of peaking men and women can have, and let your lover know that you want to explore how both of you can reach new climactic heights.
2. Incorporate fantasy throughout the day. Plant seeds in your partner’s head of things you know spark interest. Share a hot thought you had involving an erotic moment you once shared. Describe body parts you miss touching and how you’re consumed with longing. Rent a movie with a sexy or romantic storyline. Pursue anything that will put your lover in a sensual state of mind.
3. Stay connected when you do have sex. Don’t make sex about physical gratification alone. Truly worship your lover and hail the lovemaking as a celebratory experience ― one you can’t get enough of.
4. Keep things novel and spicy in and out of the bedroom. In exploring what turns both of you on when it comes to sex, you can broaden your sexual repertoire. You want to make your lover feel like you’re embarking on an adventure, not just going for a simple roll in the hay.
5. Look your best. While we can’t look like our supermodel selves 24/7, putting effort into your appearance helps you put out more persuasions. You’ll be harder to resist.
6. Engage in verbal foreplay. While men often need sex to feel loved, women often need to feel loved before they engage in sex. The more you engage in all types of erotic talk ― affectionate, romantic, sexy ― the more you’ll pique your lover’s interest.
7. Consider how you size up sexual satisfaction. Does sex always have to end in intercourse? Many couples will tell you that they have great sex without engaging in intercourse at all. So rethink your pleasure and the different ways you can realize sexual satisfaction that don’t necessarily require going “all the way.”
Lastly, don’t forget that honesty is the best policy. Talking openly to each other about what sex means to you without being demanding or putting expectations on each other is often necessary. You may just find that your partner needs more satisfaction too!
1. Entice your partner with orgasm exploration. Read up on the many types of peaking men and women can have, and let your lover know that you want to explore how both of you can reach new climactic heights.
2. Incorporate fantasy throughout the day. Plant seeds in your partner’s head of things you know spark interest. Share a hot thought you had involving an erotic moment you once shared. Describe body parts you miss touching and how you’re consumed with longing. Rent a movie with a sexy or romantic storyline. Pursue anything that will put your lover in a sensual state of mind.
3. Stay connected when you do have sex. Don’t make sex about physical gratification alone. Truly worship your lover and hail the lovemaking as a celebratory experience ― one you can’t get enough of.
4. Keep things novel and spicy in and out of the bedroom. In exploring what turns both of you on when it comes to sex, you can broaden your sexual repertoire. You want to make your lover feel like you’re embarking on an adventure, not just going for a simple roll in the hay.
5. Look your best. While we can’t look like our supermodel selves 24/7, putting effort into your appearance helps you put out more persuasions. You’ll be harder to resist.
6. Engage in verbal foreplay. While men often need sex to feel loved, women often need to feel loved before they engage in sex. The more you engage in all types of erotic talk ― affectionate, romantic, sexy ― the more you’ll pique your lover’s interest.
7. Consider how you size up sexual satisfaction. Does sex always have to end in intercourse? Many couples will tell you that they have great sex without engaging in intercourse at all. So rethink your pleasure and the different ways you can realize sexual satisfaction that don’t necessarily require going “all the way.”
Lastly, don’t forget that honesty is the best policy. Talking openly to each other about what sex means to you without being demanding or putting expectations on each other is often necessary. You may just find that your partner needs more satisfaction too!
Oral Sex Techniques
Oral Sex Techniques
The classic legs closed
How it's done: Your partner lies on her back, but keeps her legs together instead of spread.
Advantage: This is a good basic position, especially for women who are shy or nervous about oral sex.
Secret to success: Try long, gentle strokes along the inside of her thighs, from her knees to her pubic hair. This will help stimulate sensation in other areas and get her juices flowing well before you approach her 'action spots'.
Straight on, variation one
How it's done: Your partner lies on her back with her legs over your shoulders.You on your stomach with your face between her legs. Put a pillow under her hips and beneath your chest to reduce the stress on your neck.
Advantage: This position is ideal for women who prefer a strong, upward stroking motion with the more textured top surface of your tongue.
Secret to success: Try using your hands to push gently upward on her abdomen, stretching her skin away from her pubic bone. This stretching action often heightens the sensation created by your tongue strokes.
Straight on, variation two
How it's done: Starting from the same position as in variation 1, have your partner pull one leg upward, so that her thigh rests on or alongside her chest. Use your arm to hold it in position when she starts squirming.
Advantage: In this variation, her vagina will be much more open, facing upward, so your face is in more of a downward position - which should be easier on your neck. This open position is great for women who enjoy very strong, very direct clitoral stimulation.
Secret to success: With gravity in your favour, you'll find that saliva builds in your mouth. Use it. Things can get uncomfortable for her if your tongue starts to dry out.
Loving the prize
How it's done: With your partner on her back, position yourself so that you're lying over her at an angle. Your chest will be resting against her abdomen with your head facing the foot of the bed (your face will be nose-down in her genitalia).
Use one arm to reach around her thigh, and gently part her labia from beneath.
Advantage: In this position you can totally relax the muscles of your neck while you plan your next move. It also allows for more body contact, which may help her feel connected.
Secret to success: Your best stroke will be to use your tongue in a downward direction, tastebud-side up, over her clitoral hood. Women who are more sensitive may prefer this downward stroke. Alternate this with a light upward stroke using the smoother underside of your tongue.
Over your shoulder
How it's done: Get your partner to lie flat on her back and approach her vagina from between her legs. Have her place one leg over your shoulder and leave the other leg flat on the bed, under your shoulder and arm. She should twist her hips slightly, elevating the hip on the side of the raised leg. (You can help by supporting her raised hip with your other arm.)
Advantage: This position is ideal for women who are particularly sensitive along one side of the clitoris.
Secret to success: With one hip raised, she is able to add some movement to aid in your stroking or to help move you to the perfect spot. Encourage her to wriggle a little to help you get it right.
Rear approach
How it's done: Tongue your partner from behind while she's on all fours.
Advantage: Your access is somewhat limited, but she will be very exposed. This approach also allows a strong downward stroke and it's ideal for kissing and sucking her vulva.
Secret to success: For more exposure, have her lower her head onto the bed.
The hovering butterfly
How it's done: Lie on your back with your partner straddling you, facing towards the headboard and bracing herself against the wall.
Advantage: This position is a favourite of many women, and it's a good one to use as your partner nears orgasm. She'll be able to control your speed, pressure, and the angle of her pelvis to allow you access to specific areas. With her partner somewhat hidden beneath her, she can easily drift off into her own world, which may help her climax.
Secret to success: Let her call the shots – don't follow her if she lifts her pelvis off your mouth and don't try to reach for spots she's pulled out of the target zone.
Stand and deliver
How it's done: She stands. You kneel down in front of her. Have her put a leg over one of your shoulders, and help her keep her balance by placing an arm around her opposite thigh to support the small of her back with your hand.
Advantage: This is a great first position to use as you're undressing, or in the shower.
Secret to success: Since her legs are not very open, there's less opportunity for direct clitoral stimulation, so use a hand to gently hold her open - or have her hold herself open for better access.
Chair therapy
How it's done: Have your partner sit on a chair with her legs wide open.
Advantage: This is a good position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, open strokes, or at the end with stronger suction moves. Your partner is able to easily guide you, and she's able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women.
Secret to success: Access. Make sure the chair you use gives you plenty of clearance to move around. Or add an extra kick to proceedings by using a swivel chair where you can direct her movements.
The classic legs closed
How it's done: Your partner lies on her back, but keeps her legs together instead of spread.
Advantage: This is a good basic position, especially for women who are shy or nervous about oral sex.
Secret to success: Try long, gentle strokes along the inside of her thighs, from her knees to her pubic hair. This will help stimulate sensation in other areas and get her juices flowing well before you approach her 'action spots'.
Straight on, variation one
How it's done: Your partner lies on her back with her legs over your shoulders.You on your stomach with your face between her legs. Put a pillow under her hips and beneath your chest to reduce the stress on your neck.
Advantage: This position is ideal for women who prefer a strong, upward stroking motion with the more textured top surface of your tongue.
Secret to success: Try using your hands to push gently upward on her abdomen, stretching her skin away from her pubic bone. This stretching action often heightens the sensation created by your tongue strokes.
Straight on, variation two
How it's done: Starting from the same position as in variation 1, have your partner pull one leg upward, so that her thigh rests on or alongside her chest. Use your arm to hold it in position when she starts squirming.
Advantage: In this variation, her vagina will be much more open, facing upward, so your face is in more of a downward position - which should be easier on your neck. This open position is great for women who enjoy very strong, very direct clitoral stimulation.
Secret to success: With gravity in your favour, you'll find that saliva builds in your mouth. Use it. Things can get uncomfortable for her if your tongue starts to dry out.
Loving the prize
How it's done: With your partner on her back, position yourself so that you're lying over her at an angle. Your chest will be resting against her abdomen with your head facing the foot of the bed (your face will be nose-down in her genitalia).
Use one arm to reach around her thigh, and gently part her labia from beneath.
Advantage: In this position you can totally relax the muscles of your neck while you plan your next move. It also allows for more body contact, which may help her feel connected.
Secret to success: Your best stroke will be to use your tongue in a downward direction, tastebud-side up, over her clitoral hood. Women who are more sensitive may prefer this downward stroke. Alternate this with a light upward stroke using the smoother underside of your tongue.
Over your shoulder
How it's done: Get your partner to lie flat on her back and approach her vagina from between her legs. Have her place one leg over your shoulder and leave the other leg flat on the bed, under your shoulder and arm. She should twist her hips slightly, elevating the hip on the side of the raised leg. (You can help by supporting her raised hip with your other arm.)
Advantage: This position is ideal for women who are particularly sensitive along one side of the clitoris.
Secret to success: With one hip raised, she is able to add some movement to aid in your stroking or to help move you to the perfect spot. Encourage her to wriggle a little to help you get it right.
Rear approach
How it's done: Tongue your partner from behind while she's on all fours.
Advantage: Your access is somewhat limited, but she will be very exposed. This approach also allows a strong downward stroke and it's ideal for kissing and sucking her vulva.
Secret to success: For more exposure, have her lower her head onto the bed.
The hovering butterfly
How it's done: Lie on your back with your partner straddling you, facing towards the headboard and bracing herself against the wall.
Advantage: This position is a favourite of many women, and it's a good one to use as your partner nears orgasm. She'll be able to control your speed, pressure, and the angle of her pelvis to allow you access to specific areas. With her partner somewhat hidden beneath her, she can easily drift off into her own world, which may help her climax.
Secret to success: Let her call the shots – don't follow her if she lifts her pelvis off your mouth and don't try to reach for spots she's pulled out of the target zone.
Stand and deliver
How it's done: She stands. You kneel down in front of her. Have her put a leg over one of your shoulders, and help her keep her balance by placing an arm around her opposite thigh to support the small of her back with your hand.
Advantage: This is a great first position to use as you're undressing, or in the shower.
Secret to success: Since her legs are not very open, there's less opportunity for direct clitoral stimulation, so use a hand to gently hold her open - or have her hold herself open for better access.
Chair therapy
How it's done: Have your partner sit on a chair with her legs wide open.
Advantage: This is a good position for either beginning the slow build-up with loose, broad, open strokes, or at the end with stronger suction moves. Your partner is able to easily guide you, and she's able to get a full view of you between her legs, which is a turn-on for many women.
Secret to success: Access. Make sure the chair you use gives you plenty of clearance to move around. Or add an extra kick to proceedings by using a swivel chair where you can direct her movements.
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