Kinky sex can be a great way to spice up a boring sex life, but just how do you get there? Check out these five tips to reveal your darker side.
Finding your kinky alter ego doesn’t have to be a difficult task. So many couples go through vanilla sex and don’t address it. If you and your girlfriend have had “the talk” about a bland sex life then you are a step ahead of the game. Sex is an important part of the relationship and it can be a very frustration endeavor to keep things spicy.
If you’re looking for a way to bring out the inner-freak, there are a few things that you can do. You don’t have to head out and get a latex suit or become a certified dom. You can find out what turns you on very quickly with minimal hassle and little effort.
1. Ask Her What Turns Her On
Most of the time a guy will simply get turned on by having a girl turned on. When women find themselves so hot that they can’t contain it anymore, guys are instantly in the mood. Most of the guys that you talk to will tell you the same thing. They are much more concerned with getting their girlfriend or wife off than actually getting off themselves. Take this into consideration when you are trying to spice up your bedroom activities.
2. Do You Get Embarrassed?
There are a lot of guys that are easily embarrassed when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. Maybe you want your girlfriend dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl or maybe you want her to dominate you. These are both fairly common sexual fantasies. However, there are a lot of guys they get so embarrassed when they talk about their fantasies that they can’t actually act upon them. Talk to your partner in an open and honest, nonjudgmental way about what would really turn you on.
Try to come up with a way that you won’t get embarrassed halfway through and have her reassure you that you are not strange or weird because of your sexual fantasies. A girlfriend that is confident in her own sexuality and willing to play a part of your sexual fantasy will help the relationship immensely.
3. Watch Some Pornography
Say what you want about pornography, but it is one of the best tools to get men and women going. One of the easiest ways to use pornography is to help you discover what your sexual fantasies are. Whether you are into straight sex, domination, lesbian porn or all of the above, pornography can help you get there.
Take your girlfriend or wife to an adult store and search through the porno section. Decide on a movie that you will both enjoy and then take it home and watch it. Relationships are about compromise. If you are trying to find common ground in spicing up your sex life, deciding on a porno for the both of you is a great first step. If you can’t decide on one movie, find two or three and take them home for a whole weekend of fun and exploration.
4. Sex Toys
Sex toys can be a great way to find out exactly how kinky you are comfortable being. But if you get the wrong sex toys, you might put yourself and your partner in an awkward position. Have you ever had the fantasy of using a vibrator on a girl? How about a butt plug? Before you do any of this you’re going to need to talk to your partner.
It is her body that you’re going to be experimenting with after all. Sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her about how hot you think it will be and tell her that you believe it could bring the two of your closer in your sex life. You will probably be surprised on how open she will be to your honesty.
5. Be In The Moment
Most women love a guy that can be in the moment. If you have talked about getting more kink in your sex life, go ahead and do it. You girl is going to be much more open to things in the height of her arousal than talking about it afterward or before. If you want to try a new sex position, tell her in the middle of sex. Sometimes putting her in that position without asking can be a huge turn on for women. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with something, she will tell you. Don’t try something crazy on a whim, but you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something new on a whim.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Oral Sex: How are you at receiving?
Many men and women report oral as being their favourite sexual act, if not at least enjoying it quite a bit. Oral sex is one of the most common ways of being able to make a woman orgasm, as it gives her partner much more control over the type of stimulation and the exact spots to hit to pleasure her.
Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.
And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.
Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.
If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.
When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.
Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.
It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.
This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?
Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.
Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.
Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.
It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.
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