In Defense of the Slut

How many times have you heard people say, “If she wasn’t such a slut…” or, “She’s kind of a slut, but…” or, “I can’t believe she’s slept with [X number] of people”?

I always interject by pointing out that being a slut is not a bad thing — at least, not in the way I define it, i.e. enthusiastically enjoying your sexuality in ways that are always physically and emotionally safe. There is a big difference between sleeping with ten different guys in one month and taking ten Plan B pills in one month. The former is perfectly fine sluttiness (that I encourage!) while the other has nothing to do with sluttiness and everything to do with being careless and irresponsible. I’ll take the side of sluts any day.

How We Learn the Slut Stigma

At a young age we are often taught that women are somehow damaged if they do not “save themselves” sexually for their one true love. As we grow older, many of us find ourselves – naturally — wanting to have sex before marriage or even true love, but the negative connotations attached to more casual sex can still linger, sometimes subconsciously. This can make women feel detached from their own sexual pleasure, turning sex into something that a women does for someone else rather than for herself. How many times a day do we hear the message that a man needs to work hard in order to convince or trick or pressure a woman to sleep with him in order satisfy his natural animalistic libido, while less lustful-women women resist and hold out until perhaps they eventually “give it up.” The conventional cultural wisdom tells us sex is something men do to women, not something people do together on an even playing field, and certainly not something women ever do to men. You hear that enough times, you start to believe it.

Why People Don’t Want the Slut Stigma to Go Away

We all know the tired old double standard of how awesome and studly men are when they sleep around, compared to how dirty, loose, and unlady-like women are when they have a few notches on the bedpost. Stigmatizing the word “slut” has become a way of controlling women’s sexual behavior. If a women thinks that having a lot of sexual partners makes her undesirable, then she might avoid that kind of behavior. She may end up staying in a relationship that is unhealthy, just to make sure she does not sleep with too many people. She may miss out on experiences that she might otherwise enjoy. And if she dares to follow her desires, the guilt and shame that may follow can be debilitating. Thanks to slut shaming, a woman’s sexual agency is seriously limited.

Why the Slut Stigma Is Dangerous

Using the term “slut” as a pejorative is, in part, responsible for the way in which rape victims often get blamed. A woman was raped because she was “scantily clad,” she was “asking for it,” she was “leading him on” — you know, acting like a “slut.” Retaliating against this way of thinking is what spurred the proliferation of the SlutWalks over the past few years. Organizers wanted to reclaim the word “slut” as something positive.

Why We Need to Embrace “Slut”

Expressing one’s sexuality is a good and healthy thing — duh, right? A thousand studies tell us that sex is good for us, but not everyone seems to have gotten the memo. We are told, over and over, that we need to have more sex and better sex and hotter sex — and yet we should also be careful not to explore too much or say too much.

You’d think we’d be over the whole madonna-whore thing by now (yawn), but just last year on Bravo’s reality show “Miss Advised,” columnist Julia Allison described the perfect dress to wear on a first date as one that says to the man, “You can take me home to your mom and I might give you a blowjob on the way there.” Ludacris jumped on the bandwagon with his less-than-original lyric “a lady in the street and a freak in the bed.” Aside from the fact that women are more interesting and more complex then these media portrayals, in both of these examples the sexual part of the women must be hidden in order for her to be seen as respectable.

Women deserve respect. Women are sexual creatures. Ergo, women’s sexuality deserves respect.

What We Can Do to Help

If we could be more open about sex at a young age and actually call a vulva a vulva and not a “private part” or — I even cringe typing this — a”vay-jay-jay,” we might all be better off. We have vaginas just like we have elbows and legs. As much as society does not want to admit it, Freud had it right when he said infants are sexual creatures too. We masturbated as children because we were curious about our bodies. As sex negativity grew, we explored less. Whether you want to find your inner Anastasia Steele/Christian Grey relationship exclusively with your spouse, or you want to enjoy some simple vanilla missionary with your whole block, I don’t think you should be judged any differently. Just keep it honest and safe.

A Slut Mission Statement

I love sluts, perverts, deviants, freaks, and geeks alike. As long as you are fucking in the name of pleasure (and consent), you are okay in my book. A pervert is someone who is not only conscious, but proud, of their sexual nature. That is already more than what a lot of people can say. If you find someone attractive and it just so happens you also like getting off, I say go for it.

Can You Enjoy Sex Without Having A Orgasm?

HELL NO.....

Throughout our sexual life we have been told that the only reason to have sex is to either make another human or to have an orgasm. If you fall outside of these guidelines then you should not even have sex because its no fun and useless. I am here to say that is such a bunch of Bull Shit! Sex is way more than making babies or making toes curl. We put a lot of pressure on our partners when it comes to orgasms and it can create dysfunction in our bedroom.

Studies show that about 75% of women have never achieved orgasm though penetration, and as many as 10% have never achieved an orgasm at all. If a woman does orgasm there is no guarantee that she will orgasm every time. So your girl friend is not alone. Also understand that the orgasm is 80% mental. During times of stress or turmoil it will be harder to focus on accepting pleasure. If there is past sexual trauma or negative ideals towards sex from upbringing that will be a big factor to.

Orgasms are a plus but they are not the only thing that makes sex great. Sex is about intimate connection. It’s about two people coming together to make each other feel a deeper level of pleasure and excitement. Take the emphasis off of the experience of the Big O and enjoy the experience of your lover.

Why You Should Love Your Body Right Now

When we love someone — a boyfriend or girlfriend, a best friend, our parents, our kids — we love them unconditionally. We don’t keep track of random criteria that the person must fulfill.

Our loved ones don’t need a six-pack to gain our respect. They don’t need muscular legs, thinner thighs or chiseled cheekbones to have our appreciation and utmost love.

So why wait to respect our bodies based on a singular, random ideal? A standard essentially set by the very companies that profit from our insecurities, hang-ups and regular body-bashing?

Our bodies are intricate and complex machines and breathtaking works of art. They work behind the scenes on the bare essentials — like breathing, moving, seeing, hearing, touching — so we can go after our dreams.

So we can make our art. So we can make babies. So we can give love. Give hugs. Cook a delicious meal. Savor that meal, bite by tasty bite. Dance. Learn something new. Laugh.

Our bodies are vehicles that take us to amazing places, whether we get there through our feet or our hands. Whether we physically arrive at a destination, are able to read about it or compose a story.

We don’t need to wait until we have blemish-free, wrinkle-free skin to respect, appreciate and love ourselves. We don’t need to wait until we shed X amount of pounds. We don’t need to wait until we have a muscular stomach or a tinny tiny waist.

And we don’t need to stop respecting, appreciating or loving our bodies when we can’t do a certain exercise, or when we’re sick or tired or bloated.

Perfection — whatever that means to you, whether it’s continuously performing at your peak or having a sculpted stomach — isn’t a prerequisite for a positive body image, and it’s certainly not a prerequisite for appreciating and loving ourselves as a whole.

If it were, no one would love. No one would be loved.

But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Love, of course, exists. And it exists in all shapes, sizes, colors, forms and flavors.

Splatter from Isabella

She crept so very lightly into his shower

And as he felt her hands wrap quietly around his body

He relaxed easily into her loving touch

Her nipples brushing his back as she roamed his wet body

Over his chest

Down his hairy belly

Between his strong thighs

Wrapping her fingers around his restless erection

Eyes closed

He lived every touch of her soft hands

Gently cupping his heavy balls

Stroking firmly along the length of his shaft

Using his foreskin to caress his swollen head

Her thumb lingering slowly on his sweet spot

Bringing him slowly and gently to release

His knees buckled

As his climax swept through his body

His warm cum flowing from his cock

Spattering thickly on the floor of the shower

And as he watched it wash slowly down the drain

He realised she was already gone

Wondering for a moment

If she had ever been there at all…