There are a lot of myths and ‘rules’ floating about out there – and an awful lot of the ones relating to sex are directed at women.
Quite frankly, most are false or misleading. Like the one that says....
MYTH 1: You should never sleep with someone from work
Two-thirds of us meet our life partners through friends or at work – why should you be any different?
Take refuge in the fact it’s not even your fault!
New studies show close proximity breeds lust. Repeated exposure to practically any stimulus makes us like it more (the only time it doesn’t hold true is when our initial reaction to something is negative).
When we spend a lot of time with someone, our brain releases attachment hormones, which make us want to hang around pretty much permanently.
This actually isn’t a bad thing.
Couples who meet through work have a much clearer idea of what they’re getting themselves into.
After all, you’ve seen your partner react to all sorts of stressful situations during your average working day.
As for employer’s fears, most are unfounded: what better way to get employees to turn up early, stay late, look fantastic, willingly sign up for all extra curricular activities and generally beam their way through the working day?
And even if the affair ends, most flirtations fizzle out with remarkably unspectacular endings, as opposed to the fury of resignations or ruined relations people worry about.
MYTH 2: You should always tell the truth about your past
Around the time you both start getting gooey about each other, questions start being asked: ‘So… who else have you lived with/been out with/been in love with?’.
If you read the subtitles they clearly say ‘How many have you slept with?’
This is a danger zone for both sexes but particularly for women.
Even if you’ve managed to hook up with the world’s most liberated man, few can resist a knee-jerk reaction to an answer of ten or over, mainly because they haven’t thought it through.
So is it any wonder you found yourself muttering, ‘three’, and are now panicking about being caught out.
Here's why you shouldn’t feel bad about not really having had three.
A typical 30-year-old attractive woman has usually been sexually active since 16, had two long-term monogamous relationships each lasting around four years, clocked up two short-term relationships per year the rest of the time and had the odd casual fling.
That’s around 20 partners, by my estimate, or 25-30 if you’re dealing with a high libido or increased opportunity.
What he's really asking when he asks the ‘How many?’ question is ‘How special am I? Do you behave like this with everyone?’.
If he’s serious about you, he’s actually far more interested in what’s happened to your heart than your parts, so won’t be obsessed with doing the maths.
If he does start doing sums and you are discovered, appeal to his sense of logic.
Confronted with the above breakdown and other facts (like the number of lovers for both men and women is roughly the same these days, although because of the double standard men consistently report three times more) most men will see reason.
MYTH 3: You should never have sex on a first date
For 20somethings, this is an archaic question.
For over 30s, it’s still something that’s hotly contested.
I can list at least four couples without even blinking (let alone thinking) who had sex on the first date and are still happily together five to ten years later.
If you’re old enough, wise enough and have pretty decent people reading skills, who’s to say you can’t sum someone up during an average five hour date, at least enough to know they’re worth taking a risk on.
Sometimes you just know and some first dates can be so good, they backfire if you stop the flow.
Then there’s the pertinent question of what constitutes a first date?
If you’ve been friends for a while and then finally go out, are you on date one or date ten?
I know I’m being slightly contradictory because I do generally advocate waiting as long as possible, but there are always exceptions.
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