Porn's Biggest Crossover Stars

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

An Open Letter on Sex

At least in the United States, you have the right to be wanton, sexually provocative, and promiscuous. You have the right to wear as little clothing as legally allowed by the government where you live. Actually, I guess you can wear less clothing than legally allowed as you don’t mind dealing with the hassle of being arrested and having a record. You can have sex with men, women, people who identify as in-between or as neither. You can find consenting and enthusiastic partners for the most depraved erotic acts your brain or someone else’s can imagine. You might not have the legal right to engage in these acts according to the state or county you live in, but if everyone involved is a rational, consenting adult and you keep your metaphorical blinds closed you’ll probably be OK. I am not a lawyer and “you’ll probably be ok” does not in any way mean that I have any idea what I’m talking about when it comes to receiving blow jobs in Virginia. You have the right to communicate your desires in what is ideally a respectful manner and hope that the person(s) you’re attracted to share them. Conversely, you don’t have to exercise any of those rights. Neither the sex industry nor recreational promiscuity are for everyone. You can be friends with known pornographers and prostitutes without being one yourself. Being accepting of whatever safe, sane, and consensual acts people want to engage in with their bodies is awesome. You shouldn’t feel like you have to engage in the same acts as your friends or what you see on the internet to prove your solidarity or something. Asexuality is definitely a thing. I don’t personally understand it, but if it makes you happy go for it. Or don’t go for it. Go for not-it? I’m going to remove my foot from my mouth now. Liking sex doesn’t mean you have to be up for it 24/7, do it with thirty-five different people in a week, or walk around with the majority of your ass hanging out whenever the weather permits. I’ve had sex with plenty of women who don’t understand or care about my love for fancy lingerie and who find pajamas, jeans, and sneakers hotter than french lace and high heels. If you only want sex every three months and you love doing it with the lights off missionary style, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There are potential partners who want the same, or who like it once every three months with the lights off doggy style and will be willing to take turns with your favored position and theirs. If you fantasize about banging raccoons I’d be willing to bet there’s someone out there who wants to dress up like a raccoon and make whatever noises see plausible while getting banged. I recommend not banging actual raccoons because they are animals and can’t consent. Also: claws and potential rabies. (Cue the one person who believes in the rights of raccoons to consent to and enjoy sex with humans.) If you want it filthy, rough, and hard three times a day for half the month and maybe once or twice a week while gazing into each others’ eyes for the other half, you can find one or more people willing to accommodate. I may be talking about myself here. You’re highly unlikely to find any of these things until you figure out what you want and get comfortable with asking for it. There’s nothing wrong with you if you aren’t that into sex. Communication is super important. For every “weird” thing you’re into, there’s someone else out there that’s into it too.

Office Sex

Many relationships begin in the workplace and sometimes it can be hard to keep your hands off each other but it’s important not to get caught so here are some tips to keep you from getting caught red handed.

Privacy
First and foremost, don’t be having sex in a place that attracts a lot of foot traffic. Go somewhere secluded, a storeroom that no one uses or a stairwell that’s mostly out of use. You can also have sex in your private office but make sure that you either have a lock on the door or it’s after office hours.

Avoid Cameras
It sounds stupidly obvious but avoid cameras like the plague. Most storerooms containing stock will usually have cameras in for security purposes so it’s best to check them out before you engage in any romps. It is illegal to place a camera in bathrooms or changing rooms so these are ideal, but they do attract foot traffic so wait until the office is quiet!

Easy Access
Clothing is a massive problem when trying to having a raunchy 15 minutes in work so wear accessible clothing. Nothing with too many buttons and something that will slip off easily, if you’re feeling really brave, going commando will save loads of time. Another great tip is for women to take their lipstick off so your man isn’t smothered in the stuff afterwards.

Clean up
Don’t just walk straight back to your desk after you’ve done the deed, go and check yourself out in the bathroom. Make sure you’ve put your clothes back on the right way round and that your hair is all in place. Top-up your make-up so that you look fresh faced rather than flustered and make sure you look neat and presentable.

Lastly…
If you do get caught, don’t make things worse by trying to explain yourself. Simply say you’re sorry and leave it at that. Trying to explain why you were in the bathroom with a fellow employee with your skirt over your head will only have you tripping over your words and making things worse for yourself, so keep it zipped!

5 Ways To Discover Your Kinky Alter Ego

Kinky sex can be a great way to spice up a boring sex life, but just how do you get there? Check out these five tips to reveal your darker side.

Finding your kinky alter ego doesn’t have to be a difficult task. So many couples go through vanilla sex and don’t address it. If you and your girlfriend have had “the talk” about a bland sex life then you are a step ahead of the game. Sex is an important part of the relationship and it can be a very frustration endeavor to keep things spicy.

If you’re looking for a way to bring out the inner-freak, there are a few things that you can do. You don’t have to head out and get a latex suit or become a certified dom. You can find out what turns you on very quickly with minimal hassle and little effort.

1. Ask Her What Turns Her On

Most of the time a guy will simply get turned on by having a girl turned on. When women find themselves so hot that they can’t contain it anymore, guys are instantly in the mood. Most of the guys that you talk to will tell you the same thing. They are much more concerned with getting their girlfriend or wife off than actually getting off themselves. Take this into consideration when you are trying to spice up your bedroom activities.

2. Do You Get Embarrassed?

There are a lot of guys that are easily embarrassed when it comes to sex and sexual fantasies. Maybe you want your girlfriend dress up like a Catholic schoolgirl or maybe you want her to dominate you. These are both fairly common sexual fantasies. However, there are a lot of guys they get so embarrassed when they talk about their fantasies that they can’t actually act upon them. Talk to your partner in an open and honest, nonjudgmental way about what would really turn you on.

Try to come up with a way that you won’t get embarrassed halfway through and have her reassure you that you are not strange or weird because of your sexual fantasies. A girlfriend that is confident in her own sexuality and willing to play a part of your sexual fantasy will help the relationship immensely.

3. Watch Some Pornography

Say what you want about pornography, but it is one of the best tools to get men and women going. One of the easiest ways to use pornography is to help you discover what your sexual fantasies are. Whether you are into straight sex, domination, lesbian porn or all of the above, pornography can help you get there.

Take your girlfriend or wife to an adult store and search through the porno section. Decide on a movie that you will both enjoy and then take it home and watch it. Relationships are about compromise. If you are trying to find common ground in spicing up your sex life, deciding on a porno for the both of you is a great first step. If you can’t decide on one movie, find two or three and take them home for a whole weekend of fun and exploration.

4. Sex Toys

Sex toys can be a great way to find out exactly how kinky you are comfortable being. But if you get the wrong sex toys, you might put yourself and your partner in an awkward position. Have you ever had the fantasy of using a vibrator on a girl? How about a butt plug? Before you do any of this you’re going to need to talk to your partner.

It is her body that you’re going to be experimenting with after all. Sit her down and talk to her honestly. Tell her about how hot you think it will be and tell her that you believe it could bring the two of your closer in your sex life. You will probably be surprised on how open she will be to your honesty.

5. Be In The Moment

Most women love a guy that can be in the moment. If you have talked about getting more kink in your sex life, go ahead and do it. You girl is going to be much more open to things in the height of her arousal than talking about it afterward or before. If you want to try a new sex position, tell her in the middle of sex. Sometimes putting her in that position without asking can be a huge turn on for women. If she doesn’t feel comfortable with something, she will tell you. Don’t try something crazy on a whim, but you shouldn’t be afraid of trying something new on a whim.

Oral Sex: How are you at receiving?

Many men and women report oral as being their favourite sexual act, if not at least enjoying it quite a bit. Oral sex is one of the most common ways of being able to make a woman orgasm, as it gives her partner much more control over the type of stimulation and the exact spots to hit to pleasure her.


Unfortunately, many women aren’t comfortable with their partner going down on them. Whether they’re worried they’ll smell or taste bad, are uncomfortable with how their vulva looks or don’t like all the attention to be focused on them, there are quite a few reasons for women not being okay with receiving oral sex.

And yes, there’s a minority of women who simply don’t enjoy the sensations of it.

Not every sexual act is for everyone. If, however, you or your partner doesn’t want to be eaten out for reasons such as being worried about the taste or smell, you need to know that as long as your hygiene is good, you have nothing to worry about. Shower daily and do NOT use soap or any douching products in the vagina. All you need is water. Soap on the outer labia may be fine, especially if you don’t shave/wax, but anything on the vulva or in the vagina can throw off the pH and cause infection or, in the least, bad odours. Also make sure you drink lots of water and eat a healthy, balanced diet.

If you’re uncomfortable with how your vulva looks, try to figure out why that is. What is preventing you from being comfortable with your body as a whole? Grab a hand-mirror and examine your parts... practice labelling all the different areas (inner labia, urethral meatus, clitoris, vaginal opening, etc) and start to see the beauty of it.

When it comes to not liking all the attention, that’s something else you need to really examine and figure out why it is that you feel that way. Think about if you’re comfortable with going down on your partner and giving them the attention they deserve and why it is that you don’t feel like you should have the favour returned.

Some women also don’t enjoy oral because they label themselves as being submissive and believe that receiving oral sex is a form of domination. This does not have to be the case. You and your partner get to decide on what acts are dominating and what aren’t. There are always ways of making it more of a submissive act. You can have them tie you up, blindfold you and/or even gag you while they go down on you. You can have them talk dirty and command you to do different things while they go down on you. Using your role as a sub or dom as a reason to not participate in an act you would enjoy isn’t a good enough excuse. Get creative and find a way to take part in these activities in a way that keeps you in your comfort zone. Being a sub does not mean you have to forfeit your sexual pleasure for your partner.

It’s also important to discuss how not every man enjoys or is comfortable with receiving oral. Many are not able to orgasm from this act and have found that this is quite upsetting for their partner. Many people take it personally if their male partner doesn’t orgasm from fellatio. They think it’s their own fault for not being good enough at giving oral, or even go as far as thinking their partner must not be attracted to them.

This is simply not the case. Women can’t orgasm from every sexual act, so why do people think it’s any different for men?

Many men absolutely love the sensations they receive from oral sex, but simply can’t orgasm from it. In no way does that mean they shouldn’t bother engaging in it. People commonly make the mistake of fixating on orgasm and viewing that as the primary goal of sexual play. Instead, try to simply focus on the aspect of pleasure. Try to give your partner as much enjoyable stimulation as possible without worrying about whether or not it will make them orgasm. Not only does this take the pressure off them feeling like they need to orgasm (which actually increases their chances of reaching climax), but it can also help you discover new techniques or new areas on their body that they’re sensitive to.

Some men find oral sex to be an uncomfortable sensation, or even painful. Many times this is due to their glans being too sensitive, which is commonly connected to phimosis or simply not having desensitized their glans (most common with uncircumcised men). Men should be able to fully retract their foreskin down past their coronal ridge. If you or your partner can’t do this, then it may be a good idea to see a doctor to get some steroid cream to help stretch your foreskin out. If it’s purely a matter of not being able to handle direct stimulation to the glans, then start peeling the foreskin back in the shower and letting the water hit the glans directly. This will probably be uncomfortable at first, but over time it will not be an issue, and eventually you’ll be able to take direct stimulation.

Lastly, some men feel that asking their partner to go down on them is degrading to their partner. They worry that it means they’re just trying to “use” them, since porn often portrays blow jobs as something that’s demeaning to the woman. It’s important to know that many women absolutely love giving oral sex and that it doesn’t have to be a dominating act to receive it from them. It can be a very loving and intimate experience if that is what you prefer.

It comes down to talking to your partner about it and figuring out what both of you are comfortable with. Discuss your boundaries, communicate about what feels good and what doesn’t and learn how to relax and fully enjoy yourself when you’re receiving oral.

The 6 affair triggers

Affairs might be ‘sexy’ but they are rarely purely about sex. More often than not, an affair can be an unconscious attempt to solve a problem in the original relationship. It’s clearly a signal that something is wrong, but how do we know what that is? When working as a couples therapist I’ve noticed that most affairs tend to be provoked by one of six triggers. These are the deeper relationship issues that might have led to the affair, and can give some ideas about what steps to take as you solder your relationship back together.

1 Conflict-phobic affair
This is when one or both partners won’t argue, and skirt around their differences rather than work through them. The problem with this is that they’re not sharing all of themselves, and so levels of intimacy drop. The relationship becomes routine, rather than being kept alive by fresh dialogue. Inevitably, each partner begins to feel lonely. But airing their troubles and risking confrontation feels too frightening, so paradoxically, to save their marriage, they seek intimacy elsewhere. The straying partner is often careless, as if unconsciously they want to get found out, because this will force them to look at their relationship. When both sides take responsibility for their conflict avoidance there is a good chance they can learn new and more authentic ways of being together.
Prospects for recovery: Good.

2 Vulnerability-phobic affair
The opposite of the conflict phobes, these couples are often good at arguing – almost too good. For them, conflict is a way to maintain contact with each other. But this isn’t healthy debate – both sides are too frightened of opening up and showing their vulnerabilities. Instead, there is a strong need to be right and to prove the other wrong. This leads to role play rather than more intimate, authentic sharing, which can escalate the belief that their partner does not care about them, thus increasing their fear of being vulnerable, which then leads to loneliness – and then to infidelities. It is likely that the affair gets discovered quite quickly. Even then it can escalate into tit-for-tat affairs on both sides and by the time they get to see a couples therapist, the couple are usually on the brink of splitting up. If both partners can learn to see that their fear of being open and vulnerable is the root cause of their ‘I’m-right-you’re-wrong’ game, they can drop the roles and regain their intimacy.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/good.

3 Incapacity for intimacy affair
This is another version of the vulnerability-phobic affair. The straying partner finds the messiness of a longer-term relationship, after the novelty and idealisation stage, too complicated. A new partner seems so much more straightforward… until they get to know them and the whole cycle starts again. They go through this cycle several times before they can realise that it might be their own incapacity for intimacy that’s leading to their affairs and subsequent break-ups.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.

4 The divided self affair
The wandering partner loves the idea of their perfect family and a perfect spouse. But they also love their lover. They never intended to have an affair, and see it as something that ‘just happened’. Their self-image as a good spouse and parent is important to them, but what they probably didn’t do is accurately assess the depth of their feelings for their ‘perfect’ partner at the start. Their partner is someone they think they ought to love, rather than someone they actually love. After quite a few years of trying to keep this up, they will be knocked off their feet by an infatuation. The trouble is, they are still wedded to the idea of themselves as part of the perfect family. They may never be found out. It is often a mistress who contacts a wife in an attempt to get things moving. They will still be reluctant to move in with the mistress and will probably only do so if they are thrown out by their partner.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/poor.

5 The sex addict affair
If one partner is a sex addict, this stems more from their individual issues than from any problems with their relationship or partner, and consequently the ways of working through it are more limited. The prospect of change is small. Being addicted to sex is not unlike other addictions, such as alcohol or gambling. The addict feels empty and uses the addiction to feel temporarily full, but it never lasts and the addiction can continue indefinitely unless the addict is prepared to work hard in therapy and at changing their behaviour. The partner of a sex addict, as often as not, overlooks the affairs, either consciously or unconsciously. This can be because of co-dependency (‘I’d be nothing without you’) or might be related to how they want themselves and their marriage to look to others.
Prospects for recovery: Dependent on whether the non-straying partner can tolerate the situation. The addict is unlikely to change unless they are highly motivated to.

6 The exit affair
The purpose of an exit affair is to try to force the non-straying partner into ending the relationship. Alternatively, it might have started as a distraction from the pain of separation. The affair says, ‘It’s over’, when honest communication has not been happening for a long time. Such an affair could be seen as the cause of the split, but it’s usually a way out after the straying partner has made a decision to end the relationship. Often such a couple comes to therapy because the exiting partner feels that the therapist can mop up their partner’s hurt, allowing them to exit more easily.
Prospects for recovery: Hopeless.

Where Are Your Erogenous Zones?

For men it seems simple. They get turned on by getting their genitals stroked, but there are other parts of their bodies that you can caress in order to make them aroused. When was the last time you touched them?

And what about women? What spot can men touch that will drive women absolutely crazy?

The truth is that not all men and women are the same. You'll have to take the time to discover where your partner's erogenous zones are, but what a pleasure it will be to explore all of their body parts to find the hidden erogenous zones.

Where should you begin?

Most people get turned on through kissing -- which leads to touching, which leads to intercourse -- and then it's over. The body parts that are most often involved in sex are the lips, fingertips and genitals, but have you ever discovered that you have hidden body parts that make you instantly turned-on when they're stimulated? A casual brush across the nape of the neck and you are ready to tear the clothes off your partner.

Who knew?

Take your time and touch and caress. There are lots of body parts to discover during foreplay. Take your time and find out what makes your partner moan.

Leave no skin untouched.

It may be the inside of the wrist, the nape of the neck, or the eyelids. The inside of the thighs are highly sensitive to touching, stroking and licking. Or maybe it's the feet. How will you ever know until you try? Nibble on his earlobe. Does his moan with pleasure? Or maybe you should try a playful nip on her ankle. Make a thorough exploration of each other's bodies. All it may take is a little hot breath on the neck or a long, slow stroke down the spine.

Touch and kiss your partner's elbows, knees, armpits, and tummy. Does that give them goose bumps? Then keep going. You're moving in the right direction.

You never know what kind of touch is going to feel incredibly erotic for your partner. Take the time to discover the secrets of each other's erogenous zones. It's a wonderful way to share a sex secret and create intimacy that will keep the magic of your relationship alive for a long time.